Who is this bonehead who wants to turn California into six smaller states? Thankfully, his initiative didn’t make it on to the ballot, probably because half the people couldn’t stop laughing long enough to sign his petition and the other half just thought he was kidding. Six little states…yeah, that’ll solve all the problems. We’re the Gulliver of states and he wants to turn us into a bunch of Lilliputians. His contention was that we’re too big to govern efficiently and smaller states would result in a more efficient government. Apparently he didn’t ask Rhode Island how that was working out for them. The whole state is about as big as an area rug and their biggest export crop is the scrap metal from the buildings they’re tearing down. Or Greece. You can ride a donkey from one end of the country to the other in about 20 minutes and they can’t even sell enough yogurt and olives to stay afloat. Breaking California into six smaller states is like Snow White putting the dwarfs in charge and those guys couldn’t get out of their own way. Besides, if we get that small, Oregon could come down here and kick our butts.
One supposed benefit of the Six California system would be that government would be smaller and elected officials would have a better understanding of what their constituents wanted. Since when has that helped? Nobody is listening to us or we wouldn’t be seriously considering a bullet train. I’ve been around a lot longer than a tortoise on a Texas highway and I’m still waiting for any government to listen to me. At this point I could be mayor of my own one-person town and I couldn’t even get me to listen to me.
To the surprise of no one, critics charged that this was just a way to separate California’s wealthy areas from the poor but that’s stupid also because we already do that. That’s why Malibu is where it is and Reseda is in the valley. And do you think Bakersfield would stay in Bakersfield if it could afford to move? California actually has a place we call Death Valley. Isn’t that appealing? I’m ready to pack my bags. And I think Temecula is the Indian word for “Entrance to Hell.”
I have come up with a simpler plan that requires no surveying or site maps. See, I don’t think we’re taking advantage of our existing infrastructure. We have a perfect dividing line already in the I-5 and rather than making a bunch of little states, I would just sell everything east of the I-5 to Arizona and Nevada and if they couldn’t make the payments, we would foreclose and repossess the land after they had fixed it up.
I looked at his proposed names and a map of his proposed states. He really put very little thought into the names but he may have been pressed for time before he was committed to the asylum. The northern part of the state was to be called Jefferson…I’m assuming because Washington was already taken. The new state area we currently call Silicon Valley was going to be named…Silicon Valley, so not a lot of thought went into that. Actually, the guy who came up with this plan is from Silicon Valley and he just didn’t want to have to change his stationery and you have to go to the post office to get the change of address postcard and nobody wants to do that. Once he decided his area, I think he just threw his hands in the air and gave up because the last four areas were North, West, South and Central California. So, not a lot of brain cells were used in that decision. I would, at least, have named three of them Larry, Moe and Curly Joe.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC has many products in what will be the new West California and we’ll get you what you want even if we have some suggestions on how to make it more rewarding. We want to help you make sense of your client’s event so we offer choices between new products and classic items so they can make presentations memorable. And IMC cares that your order is correct so we keep lots of products around that are suitable for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. We have processes in place to assemble your order and deliver it with no surprises. We are hard at work on the 2015 catalog which will have tons of new items from our collections and existing brands and some brand new retail brands. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. You can also request our 2014 catalog or Holiday Flyer on the Catalog page of our website and order some. And all of our new items are visible in the section of our website. The 2014 IMC catalog is also available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 40 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Troika, Blunt, Visconti and Redwear. We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…what state are you in?