Not that anyone cares but I am safely back from our annual convention in Las Vegas and, as usual, I couldn’t escape that hell soon enough. Though I rarely feel old even as I’m surrounded by younger people, there is the distinct possibility that I have aged out of Las Vegas because after 45 years of thoughtful contemplation I’ve concluded that Vegas is only great if you have a burning desire to see 2 million people not acting their age. America has done some embarrassing things lately but it’s particularly disturbing in Vegas because the first American phrase that foreigners seem to learn is, “Let’s do shots!” and I’m not sure that’s the image we want to portray but I don’t really expect Las Vegas to tighten up their visitor policy although, if they need my help, I’ve come up with some suggestions for the Las Vegas Tourism Board.
The first people they should ban are those who walk around wearing surgical masks as if they were on their way to transplant a kidney. Las Vegas was built in the desert and there is not a lot of smog so unless your next stop is downtown Tokyo or you’re robbing a 7-11 later, leave the mask in your suitcase. I mean really…how badly do you want to live? Even though half our offices came back sick I think it’s a small price to pay to not look like a homeless scrub nurse.
Next on my list is the issue of pure tonnage. Now, while I am a lot farther below ‘1 pound under obese’ than our leader, I admit I could lose a pound or 25, but I think the hotels are missing a bet without Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig outlets on site because Las Vegas is a temporary home for the largest people to walk this planet. It’s like watching an army of sumo wrestlers who have gone off their diets. And even sumo wrestlers are more appropriately dressed because these “big-boned” humans are in Bermuda shorts or leggings. I understand that Vegas has long been clock free in the casinos in the hope that people don’t know when they lost all their money but I wasn’t aware they had also banned mirrors. When your plane is grounded and can’t leave because they don’t have enough seat belt extenders…that should be a sign.
To its credit and disdain, Las Vegas has spawned a number of cottage industries with the number 1 being Scooter Rental. You could offer me a bank of slot machines and I would still take the scooter concession because they are everywhere. I only stayed so thin while I was there due to the exercise I received dodging them on the convention floors and trying to get through the casino to a restaurant without having a hip broken by a bad driver. Probably the best part of people-watching in Las Vegas is seeing an old guy hobble to the scooter area and strap on his walker…and his oxygen tank to the back and then burn rubber to his favorite slot machine…where he promptly turns off his oxygen while he lights a cigarette. We even had more scooters than normal on the convention floor and it begs the question, how do you call on clients if the mere act of standing makes an alarm go off in the fire department? We did have a little excitement at our booth when a lady on a scooter (with a service dog loping beside her) ran into the right corner of our booth. Now, we have a heavy booth so there was no harm done but she complicated matters when she tried to back up and ran over her dog. I can get you her address if you’re in the market for a 3-legged service dog.
Doing the math I guess I have about 360 days before I have to return and I don’t expect them to move the convention because it has attractions and is always well-attended, productive and informative but I would still be happier if they held it in a bird flu detention center in Riyadh only because once you leave the convention center, it would be nice if everyone you saw didn’t act like they were auditioning for Clown College.
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…Vegas Baby?