Don’t Be So Sensitive

Donn James

Since I can’t seem to keep a cohesive thought in my head long enough to fill this column today, I’m going to mention a few random things in the hope that they will congeal sufficiently to keep my fingers working this keyboard.
Someone in the office who has been abusing a little-known government loophole called “maternity leave” came by yesterday with her 4-month old child, who is clearly old enough to be in pre-school or, in some countries, have a job. Thankfully, I was already gone so I was spared baby puke on my shoulder but I’m told the rest of her co-workers oohed and aahed at appropriate times and told her how cute the baby was and they have irritatingly gone out of their way to show me pictures of this “precious bundle of joy.” I’m sure they also told her the baby looks like her or her husband but when I look at a picture of a hairless baby all I think is that the father must have been Mr. Potato Head.
I believe I can talk about politics if I equally congratulate or condemn both sides of the fence but since congratulations hardly seem in order, I choose to condemn. The elephants have just proposed a health plan they believe is good enough for us but not for them so they have exempted themselves from that part of the plan, which most of us with IQs above a cucumber do not see as even vaguely inspirational. On the other hoof, the donkeys continue to proffer plans that generally involve taking the money I work to earn and give it to people unwilling or unable to work in an effort to get more votes. Both sides have overlooked a vast, uncharted territory in America…it’s called the MIDDLE and many of our politicians would be well-served if they would occasionally visit it.
Why does Charmin toilet paper have such an extensive website? Isn’t everyone buying it at Costco like I do? And why do they have so many different types? Are we all that different we need to have a favorite as if it was one of five syrups at iHop? They also need to work on learning some more adjectives because they have ‘soft’ and ‘strong’ and now they’ve come out with ‘ultra soft’ and ultra strong,’ I guess to cater to butterflies and lumberjacks. Coming up with the word ‘ultra’ must have taxed their marketing department to the limit. They also now have a ‘sensitive’ and while I’m familiar with sensitive toothpastes and Kleenex, I suspect they thought they’d cash in on the latest craze by moving it a little south of there. They actually have a quiz for you to take to determine which product you should overpay for so, in the interest of science I took the quiz but I couldn’t get past the first question without throwing up a little in my mouth. Question 1: What are you searching for in life? Interesting question and in your mind you might automatically think of happiness, world peace etc. but your only choices are Toilet Paper or Flushable Wipes so the Deepak Chopra tape playing in your head immediately comes to a stop. Again, in the interest of science I clicked Toilet Paper and the next question is, “What does you toilet paper say about you?” Now, when I go out I can usually only hope it’s not stuck to my shoe as I wander through a restaurant and while I long for my toilet paper to say I’m a natty dresser, love my wife, kids and animals, all I really hear it saying is, “Goodbye dinner.”

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…how sensitive are you?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Did You Invent That?

Donn James

I was on the internet yesterday and while I was decrying it as the National Enquirer of hyperspace, a very interesting article came into view. See, I’m well past the time when I’m concerned about bombings, riots, school choice and gas prices so I find myself gravitating toward the news breaking, hard-hitting stories like “21 Inventions that Betty White is Older Than” so I’m up-to-date on current events. Really, when you have columns to fill, would you rather have another story on Canadian genocide or learn that Betty White is older than the wheel? Like the internet, I may be exaggerating or embellishing a little because I don’t think she’s that old but I’m pretty sure they were still using lightning to start a campfire to grill the saber-toothed tiger the tribe just killed. In actuality, she is older than scotch tape…and sliced bread.
While I have adopted an attitude of laissez-faire when it comes to aging, the article persuaded me to do some research to discover some inventions younger than I. Logically it is easy to realize that you are older than anything invented since your birth but it is interesting (and painful) to know you are older than many things we all now take for granted and after learning this, the only thing you’re thankful for is that somebody finally invented Prozac. Now, I’m sure that I’ll have a very fine eulogy someday but I don’t want it to include the fact that I am older than…Velcro. Last week I talked about having to get up and change the channel so you all know I’m older than the remote control…man’s greatest invention. In the natural progression for a world seeking to never leave the couch is that now there is a remote for everything. I can close my blinds, start my coffee, flush my toilet and since I’m older than canned beer, I plan on staying around until there’s a remote to open that. It’s actually kind of surreal to listen to today’s youth talk about the latest video game on their phone; in hi-def where the screen figuratively leaks with the blood of vanquished foes while I, at their age, was trying to find the last cat in the hidden pictures puzzle in the back of Highlights magazine.
Oddly, I was also using the internet to find out that I was older than the internet. I am also older than a few inventions that have come and been mercifully killed since my birth…thankfully the bean bag chair…unless you live in a basement in Arkansas. There are times I only believe I’m here is because I’m older than the birth control pill and I’m also older than the microwave oven although I’ve been using one so long that periodically I have to check to make sure I’m not growing a tail. I do consider myself lucky as I survived for about 40 years until smoke detectors were invented but almost immediately everybody disconnected them so they could smoke in peace.
Curiously, I am also older than the institution many think is most responsible for shortening our lives…McDonald’s. They stopped counting in ’94 when they went over 100 Billion so in about 40 years they sold that many hamburgers to more than willing customers in now almost every country except India. Quite a feat until you realize that is about the equivalent of 7 cows and 99 billion other things no one else in the world considers food. When I started going there the sign said, “12” but the fries were better than anything your Mom ever made.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. We welcome you to 2017 and wish you the best and we hope you had time to stop and visit IMC at the PPAI Las Vegas show. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…when was that invented?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Let’s Confuse Everyone!

Donn James

I’m old, certainly older than most of you who stop doing nothing to read this weekly, but I’m not a senior citizen regardless of what the media and AARP tell me. I’m usually OK with political correctness and believe, on balance, it has improved our lives, made others more tolerable and helped generally clean up our act but I draw the line at the euphemistic language we have developed to describe people, events and acts of life. See, I’m not allowed to be old any more. According to the media, who goes out of their way to not offend anyone and by doing so ends up offending everyone, I have to be aging or a senior citizen, sexagenarian or a cagey veteran who brings a ‘wealth of experience’ to the party. Not only will the media not let me get old but now I can’t even die; I have to be fading, declining, perishing or vanishing until I pass over, expire, demise, decease or depart.
Over the last forty years or so, while I was not paying attention, as is often the case, someone decided to stop calling things by their real name as if we couldn’t handle the truth. I know it’s sometimes done to “soften the blow” or to make someone feel better about themselves but I really think it’s more for the speaker to feel better about themselves while saying something horrid about someone else. Just because you’ve reviewed your operational needs and have decided to downsize because of a work balance correction doesn’t mean somebody’s not getting fired and when that happens you’re not ‘between jobs’–you’re unemployed. And if you have a friend in the hospital and they experience a ‘negative patient outcome’—don’t expect a Christmas card from them this year.
My local health care professional, who just used to be my doctor, just had her house cleaned by a domestic engineer who gave all the trash to a sanitation technician who drove away in a waste disposal vehicle. All we’ve done this generation is gloss over the real word and used more words to confuse people. Perhaps it was just a simpler time when I was younger although I’ll remind you it wasn’t better, it was just different. TV only had three channels and I was the remote control for my parents so, when commanded, I had to walk across the room and use the pliers to change the channel and fiddle with the aluminum foil on the rabbit ears until the picture was clear. Now I have five hundred HD channels and still can’t find anything worth watching.
You might think it was a simpler time and maybe it was because we hadn’t yet made up words that masked the truth to the extent we have today. The suit I was wearing didn’t just ‘fall off a truck’—it was stolen and we weren’t experiencing a ‘negative cash flow’—we were broke. And we didn’t know a lot of the things we experienced are now called diseases. We didn’t have attention deficit disorder when I was young…we were just jerks, and we weren’t mentally challenged, we were just stupid and our dads didn’t have acid reflux…they had gas and you were safer in another room. Grandpa didn’t have Alzheimer’s fifty years ago, he was just losing it. Nothing was ‘pre-owned’—it was USED and your uncle wasn’t ‘motivationally deficient’—he was just lazy.
And now if you’ll excuse me, even though I’m considered ‘mature’ and becoming a ‘little thin on top,’ I’m not ready to take a ‘dirt nap’ so I’m off to find an ‘adult beverage’ as soon as I ‘powder my nose.’

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. We welcome you to 2017 and wish you the best and we hope you had time to stop and visit IMC at the PPAI Las Vegas show. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…are you challenged?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Do You Smell Smoke?

Donn James

We had a fire drill this week and it was a planned event and I’ve found that tends to take much of the suspense out of it. With all the advance warning you would have thought I’d have made plans to call in sick but my memory is just not what it needs to be. Because we make products for so many large, multinational conglomerates we have, over the course of the last 30-some years, had many fire drills to comply with our own and their HR. requirements. It’s actually surprising how many of these companies have ticklish rules in place regarding child labor, safe workplaces, sexual harassment and the fair treatment of employees. Here in California we’ve always been ahead of the curve, so you’re not going to find a 5-year old sewing together soccer balls in Malibu or a Montessori classroom in Brentwood lacing up tennis shoes. You may be just learning it but California is very different from the real world in that people file a Workplace Harassment claim if the cappuccino machine malfunctions or if the company-provided daycare center runs out of chocolate milk. Our state is very liberal in these cases even though I’m pretty sure the kid who just put new tires on my car was about 12 but I was assured he had a work permit.
These fire drills are generally well-organized and normally result in nothing more than a broken limb or two as people trip, orderly falling down the stairs. And getting people whose ages range from the early 20s all the way to ‘one foot in the grave’ out of a building is a daunting challenge. The offices and warehouse exits were unusually successful so our “Days Without a Major Tragedy” sign remains at 0 and we were able to cancel our standing order for an ambulance. So now we’re all standing outside in the smoking section which is mildly ironic in that it’s completely legal to stand outside smoking while you watch your office…and your cigarette burn. In fact, for those still addicted to this vile, disgusting habit, they probably just see the fire drill as an unexpected smoke break.
While we’re waiting for our smiling version of Fire Marshall Bill to take roll so we can return to work, certain caring people are silently taking roll just in case we left one of our customer service people chained to her desk in our hurry to vacate the premises. They’re easily replaced but there’s a lot of paperwork involved so it’s best for all concerned if we don’t leave one inside to roast. Not being a caring person my only thought is that I hope the fire doesn’t get to the drawer where I keep my microwave popcorn.
The real problem with an outdoor gathering in California is that you tend to attract characters you thought only lived in bad novels. This day our herd of sheeple attracted the guy we call the preacher. He lives in the park down the street in a two-bedroom refrigerator box, is generally regarded as harmless but his constant yelling is slightly off-putting. All his belongings are carefully stored in a shopping cart he stole from Target and he pushes it around with the annoying ostentation of a Mercedes owner. He wears a hoodie lined with aluminum foil and is usually ranting about the rapture or the government being able to read what’s left of his mind. I don’t understand him because well, I don’t speak…crazy but I thought I heard him say, “The world is going to hell” but a co-worker, who is also crazy, claims he told us the 11 secret herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. We welcome you to 2017 and wish you the best and we hope you had time to stop and visit IMC at the PPAI Las Vegas show. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…which way is the door?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Where’s the Nearest Exit?

Donn James

Almost weekly I delve into what’s left of my mind and attempt to explain what I’ve seen you all doing wrong this week, yet I hold out hope that occasionally someone will read this column and change their ways or temper their behavior to irritate me less. To date this has proved fruitless, futile really, as this week I have even more issues I could easily correct if I could just get anyone to listen to me.
Many of you are parents and while I can’t do anything about that, mainly because there is no law against it, I regret that many of you chose this particular path. Geez, I need a home inspection before I can adopt a dog and oddly, we have laws that tell me which bathroom I have to use but a simple learner’s permit or license before you add another mouth to the planet was too much for the politicos in Washington to grasp. Anyway, parents are often irrationally proud of their progeny and delight in our pain as they blather on in person or in the bane of our existence…the holiday letter, whose only saving grace is that it’s flammable. As a parent I have been involuntarily, and against my better judgment, studying parents for several decades now and it has become abundantly clear that parents don embarrassingly rose-colored glasses when talking about their offspring, usually with Frank Sinatra’s My Way playing softly in the background. Here are two things I’ve found most constantly true to the chagrin of many parents: If your child has a problem with a teacher…the problem is not the teacher and if your child has a problem with a rule…the rule is not the problem.
I began this rage today with the intent of telling you the following and now that I’m halfway done, I suspect I should get on with it. Whenever someone tells you they want to tell you a funny story about something their kid did, get ready to hear the least funny thing you have ever heard in your life. Parents fail to understand it’s only funny to them, it’s not really funny at all and it’s certainly not funny to anyone else in the world. And parents, consciously or not, always catch me when I haven’t had time to plan my escape route. I’m usually at some gathering with a drink in my hand or cake in my mouth and my back against the wall because running for my life from a parent on a mission hasn’t entered my mind yet so I must look like easy pickin’s for the parentosaurous lumbering toward me. So if you find yourself at a gathering of parents, and they’re everywhere, I advise you to have a flight plan in place when you’re accosted on the patio, PFA meeting, grocery store etc. If you can’t just run away, you then need a verbal rejoinder to cut into their story time. But as a civilized member of society you have an obligation to be kind, gentle and let the other parent down easy. So I always say. “I can barely stand stories about my own family. Why would you think I could tolerate hearing about yours?” See…gentle and kind.
I know you think because you’re a parent and I’m a parent that we’re all members of the same club, but that doesn’t give you license to put me to sleep telling me how your child answered question #4 on his remedial math quiz. And I don’t care if your daughter got into your makeup and made the family basset hound look like Eleanor Roosevelt. If you expect me to listen to a funny story about your kids, it had better include a bone sticking out the side of his/her leg or intestinal surgery to remove a fire truck that was included in his Happy Meal.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…is she headed toward me?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales, Travel | Leave a comment

Hospitals Don’t Have Room Service!

Donn James

As friends around me age I am noticing the particular phenomenon of their parents reverting to a childlike state which I’m given to understand is a little frustrating. Friends who are just now on the cusp of stool softeners and dining at 4:30 are now finding they are parenting their parents…and it isn’t much fun. Well, to be clear, it isn’t a lot of fun for them but it’s a lot of fun for the rest of us because it’s not happening to us. Their complaint is that almost as soon as they finished raising their own kids and got them out of the house, their parents have started becoming childlike and needy as they age.
Aging is an odd thing in any case and as one of the few mammals who can reason, I find it weird that we spend our early years fighting to get out of diapers and our last years wondering where we put them. My friends’ parents are in and out of the hospital more often than a 10-year old is in and out of the fridge. And the mother is the worst as she treats every hospital stay like she just checked in to the Four Seasons and treats the nurses like the maid you tip a dollar to get an extra pillow. This last time she tried to order an onion bagel because she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to like the lunch they served. And my friends try to be patient when they tell her, “You’re pre-diabetic and already constipated so you’re not getting a sugary, white flour ball of gluten to add to the problem.” So then she tried to pull the old age version of running away from home as she got dressed, put new tennis balls on the feet of her walker and tried to escape. And they have to watch her like a hawk because she still has a cell phone and her retirement home has a shuttle to and from the hospital. From the stories I’ve heard she also has a tendency to turn into a conspiracy theorist as if she views the fact that her husband needs dialysis as some sort of commie trick. “He’ll be fine…I’ll make soup” seems to be her most common mantra. That’s at least humorous as the alternative is just to sound selfish, as if this life-saving treatment for her husband is somehow inconveniencing her…”but Bingo starts at 2:00″…or, “Can you start his heart bypass surgery a little later; I don’t want to miss Jeopardy.”
The haunting part of this episodic thriller is that the picture of a toddler carrying a teddy bear running away in footie pajamas is strikingly similar to an old woman with a walker wearing Easy Spirits as she hobbles away from you. If nothing else, you begin to believe in the whole “full circle” theory because the mother who wouldn’t let you have Kool-Aid after school 50 years ago is now crying because the hospital doesn’t serve wine after a colonoscopy.
Psychiatrists, who are usually people with bigger problems than you, will tell you not to act like parents to your parents but try and partner with them to reach a common goal. Well, that might have worked for Lewis & Clark but they didn’t have an aunt in Florida and two sisters in Beverly Hills asking you questions they should be asking the doctors. 1500 miles fighting winter, warring Indians and grizzly bears was nothing compared to a Jewish mother with a knitting needle and a guilt trip.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…what time is dinner?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Sparky’s Fine…He’s Just Resting

Donn James

Last week we spoke about the lying on both sides of the aisle as if were some big revelation and had just started in 2016 and didn’t go all the way back to the dawn of time when Eve said, “I just took a small bite.” I believe we’ve become so inured to all the lies because we tell so many fibs in our everyday life. Generally, except for all you crooks out there, they are harmless and often done to spare someone’s feelings. I myself told a woman the other day that her eye shadow made her eyes pop and I left off the second half of the sentence which was…like a frog being strangled. But I am almost too kind and often go out of my way with concern for my fellow man while the majority of you do not.
We’ve all become so effective at prevarication it now has almost become first nature instead of its rightful place as second nature and I blame you parents. You lie about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Purim Possum, the Yeti and the tooth fairy…sorry if I’m breaking big news to some of you but when you saw Santa and your Mom making out, it should have been a clue. And if you can figure out the correlation between the Easter Bunny and chicken eggs, you’re a better person than I because I’ve had 4-year olds come up to me with a chocolate bunny and a hard-boiled egg and say, “OK, this doesn’t look right.”
The biggest lies we tell our children is where pets go and I understand kids feel their pets are part of the family so I empathize with the pressure parents are under. So I propose we try the honest approach so the next time you lose a pet. Just gather the kids around you and tell them the truth. “Remember how we told you Grandma moved and didn’t want to see you anymore? Well, Fluffy felt the same way.” One of my kids won a goldfish at a carnival when they were about 2 and it died in the plastic bag even before we got home but when we got home, the rest of the family went into the house and I dropped “Goldie” into a drain on the street and took the empty bag of water into the house. When the kids asked where the fish was, I just told them it must have swum away. I have a friend whose son had a tortoise and my friend accidentally turned him into soup by running over him with the minivan so he told his kid that his pet, “Had run off to join the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”…and the kid believed it for 7 years. And if you believe Sparky is happy on the farm your parents sent him to, you’re probably running around today looking for pots of gold. If all the dogs we’ve said have gone away to live on farms to keep old people company really did that, we’d be up to our eyeballs in dogs…and old people. If you believed your parents when they said Mittens was fine, she just ran away by jumping on the bumper of that speeding car, you probably need a medication refilled. I have another friend and she still believes her bunny never died…every couple of years it just changed color. I’ve known parents who told their children the fish escaped and dove in the toilet bowl and swam away to freedom. That’s why the saying, “If you love something, set it free” should be “If you love something, flush twice.”

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. We welcome you to 2017 and wish you the best and we hope you had time to stop and visit IMC at the PPAI Las Vegas show. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…have you seen mittens?

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