The Kale Epidemic is Real

Donn James

With the new bundle of joy arriving last week, we’re learning we still have a ways to go before our house is prepared to receive visits from a grandchild. We’ve turned part of the house into a nursery again with dresser, changing table, portable cribs and playpens and as we survey the surroundings with all the gadgets, toys and stuffed animals, I feel a little like Michael Jackson looking over Neverland Ranch and I feel myself wondering if I have room for another chimp. I maintain that we are ahead of the game as, at 4 days old, even rolling over is the farthest thing from his mind right now. So far the highlight of his life is peeing on his dad during changing. So, in an effort to stay ahead of the game we started looking into baby food, preparing for the day he begins to eat instead of just drinking his meals.
I have not yet purchased any but I had occasion to walk the baby food aisle and what I learned left me amazed, disturbed and more than a little horrified. Gone was the baby food I knew and it had been replaced with baby foods whose premise was to mix something good with something bad, probably in the hopes of selling all the bad stuff they had sitting around. I grew up on Gerber and they had great flavors like pureed pot roast, whipped pork and beans, and smashed lamb and sweet potatoes. These days here are a few jars I found in this aisle from hell…pears and kale…apple, spinach and kale…pear, kale and cucumber…bananas, blueberries and beets. These are more likely foods Cruella DeVille would serve while she thought about how many Dalmatians it would take to make her a nice shawl. And did you notice how often I mentioned kale. Who thought that would be good for a baby? Isn’t kale that stuff you get when you cross lettuce with a Brillo pad? I think they just want us feeding that crap to babies so when mothers have to start cooking for them, they’ll think their mom is a great cook because she isn’t serving…kale. What it comes down to is that anyone with a blog and an internet connection is trying to tell us what is best for our youth and these are the same people who use sanitizing wipes on their shopping carts and carry a giant bottle of Purel around just in case they need to wash the hands of everyone in Yugoslavia.
I know I could have eaten healthier in the last 7 decades or so and I could eat healthier now but I made it this far and I’m okay. Well, maybe not okay…but alive. Remember, this was way before kale was invented, spinach was considered exotic, cigarettes and bacon were good for you and macaroni & cheese was a main course…and Handi-Wipes were only passed around if you were eating ribs. My mother once a week made a casserole and if the ingredients had to be listed from most to least like they now have to do on a bag of dog food, would have read…pasta, dirt, tuna. I like living in the present and like to think I have adapted but a certain irony must be addressed. Everyone is after us to use less salt but now you can’t buy a caramel, cookie, ice cream or chocolate without somebody sprinking salt on it. I guess the biggest change is the number of illnesses or diseases they have decided we now have because in my youth there was only one flu and the only people who caught it were the kids whose parents made them wear mittens in September and the stupid hat with ear flaps.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And the IMC 2018.5 flyer is out and you can see those new products on our website and download a copy of the flyer. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…did you just cough?

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Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Don’t Labor Over This

Donn James

As we head into Labor Day weekend my daughter-in-law is expected to go into labor and I’m pretty sure that’s not what they meant when they named the holiday. I’m sure it was invented in Minnesota so people could celebrate the last day you can BBQ before the first snowfall. Nevertheless, as we prepare for the new arrival due this weekend, I thought I’d use my time wisely and brush up on my nursery rhymes so I’m ready when this zygote can finally comprehend what I’m saying and I have to tell you, I’ve noticed some inconsistencies in our childhood fables. I suppose that since they were meant for children, these accomplished authors felt they could be a bit lazy with their story lines and rhyming. After all, I don’t think any of them are in the running for a Pulitzer.
I have a real problem with Jack & Jill. Are they morons? Why are they going up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Everybody with an IQ above a turnip knows water flows downhill. In this world of “no child left behind” I really don’t think these two would be missed any more than Hansel and Gretel. And the author certainly wasn’t any threat to Einstein because he tried to rhyme “after” with “water” which isn’t even close. If they had been going up a hill to get a bucket of beer, after Jack died Jill could have drank the “beer”…”here.” Much better. If they had been after a bottle of “gin” we would have Jack fell down and broke his crown because Jill pushed him “in.” I guess it’s true when they say, “alcohol makes everything better.”
I also take issue with Old McDonald because the old guy was a farmer and should know what sounds his animals make. Did he hear moo-moo and think, “I’d better feed the chickens?” Has he been alone on the farm too long? And what’s with the E-I-E-I-O? Was he too lazy to write the extra lines and just decided to throw a few vowels in there to confuse the kids? Old Mother Hubbard starved her dog because she had no bones. Hey, get a job lady. It’s not our fault you can’t buy pet supplies with food stamps. Little Bo Peep had one job and she fell asleep and screwed it up. How can a shepherd lose her sheep? All they do is stand around eating; it’s not like they could all jump on a party bus to Vegas. And don’t get me started on Little Jack Horner. Who eats pie with their hands? This is not a contest at the fair. Use a fork you little slob.
Humpty Dumpty should boggle the mind of any adult. Geez, the guy’s an egg and we all know eggs roll all around. We’re all familiar with gravity. Get off the wall you idiot. Once he’s broken we’re all thinking…breakfast, but they bring in all the king’s horses and all the king’s men to try and put him back together again. That’s like the jigsaw puzzle from hell. Just go find the chicken and start over. And what good are horses in this matter? They don’t even have opposable thumbs. They don’t even have…thumbs and while horses are alive…you don’t even have glue. And why is there a lit candlestick on the floor? And why does Jack have to jump over it? Is it a new Olympic sport? Did it light the way to the bathroom before nightlights? You’d better be nimble and quick because you’re not getting into college with your brain. Just walk around it, you bonehead.
I don’t know how in good conscience I can read these tales to a young person as they all contain either death, pet abuse, loss or tragedy of some sort perpetuated by people I wouldn’t trust to lick a stamp without swallowing.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And the IMC 2018.5 flyer is out and you can see those new products on our website and download a copy of the flyer. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…are you nimble or quick?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

What’s Your Number?

Donn James

There was an article on the internet about the different people in line for the throne of England because it was a slow news day and all the stories about the Catholic church and old cars found in barns had been done so the net was scrambling for something to catch the attention of the 5 billion of us not living in China. It’s continually an uphill battle as the 5 billion of us combined have the attention span of a raindrop.
The problem is it’s a line of succession decided by birth and they’re all members of what we grew up calling the lucky sperm club so I wonder if any of them look at the list and wonder how they can pick up any ground and move up on the list. Since it’s strictly by birth it’s not like you can badmouth your sister and move up a spot that way. No, you have to take her out. So do any of them look at the list and think, “Well, I’m certainly going to outlive her because I just saw her eat a whole order of fish and chips?” But they can fool you because the Queen is about 92 and she doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. The only thing she’s done to conserve energy is have dogs with little short legs so they can’t run fast and she doesn’t have to chase them. She has people for that. I just wonder if Eugenia, who is about 8th on the list is trying to figure out a way to get everyone ahead of her on a boat somewhere in crocodile-infested waters. How can that thought not have crossed her mind? Right this second she could be thinking, “Well, I’ll miss my dad but I don’t really like any of the rest of them.” While I was perusing the list of succession I noticed that Zenouska Mowatt is 58th in line and I thought about how frustrating it is for her. She’s given up and is probably hiding in a closet somewhere wailing, “I’m never going to be Queen…and they named me Zenouska.” Was she named after a disease?” As in, have you been vaccinated for zenouska? The Queen’s eldest child, Prince Charles, is the heir to the throne but he’s even older than I, and I can tell you that even I wouldn’t want me to be running any country. If I was running England, I’d at least make all of them go in for regular dental checkups.
I suppose I could be wrong because outside of Harry and Kate they’re a pretty uptight bunch. In fact, the royals are the most uptight group in an uptight country on an uptight continent and the most amazing thing is that they kicked our ancestors out around 400 years ago for being even more uptight. So look at us now and you know we’re probably not ones to talk. Since we broke away from England, we really don’t have much in the way of lines of succession. Oh, we have it in government but it doesn’t really affect us; we just see it as another idiot in charge. Although most of us are really thankful Betsy DeVos is way down the list, about 16th in line, it’s still embarrassing that she’s even on the list but a lot of people have to keel over before we get to her. We just have to make sure the other 15 aren’t ever in the same room together. At this point most of us would be fine if everyone in line abdicated and we turned things over to the Secretary of Fast Food.
In reality, the closest thing most Americans have that relates to the British royals line of succession is the kid’s table at Thanksgiving. You know the little table where we put the unhinged monsters who can’t be trusted to eat with adults. I think every one of us has had to sit at that table and we all wondered, “How many of those old people have to kick the bucket before I get a spot there?” The food is no different but I want to sit somewhere where I don’t have to dodge peas being flicked off a little kid’s spoon. I distinctly remember thinking, “Uncle Lou is on borrowed time already and maybe his nurse won’t cut his turkey into small enough pieces. I’m pretty sure nobody but me knows the Heimlich” or “Grandma’s sucking mashed potatoes through a straw. This had got to be her last year.”

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And the IMC 2018.5 flyer is out and you can see those new products on our website and download a copy of the flyer. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…are you in line?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Please Lawve Me Alone

Donn James

We talked a few weeks ago about politics and the differences between the left and the right and that their only commonality is that they’re all idiots and I think I’m being extremely fair to both sides in saying that. Just because most people know I lean to the left concerning policies doesn’t mean I don’t think we deserve the best and the brightest on the ballot, especially in California and since I don’t see that in the near future on either side of the aisle, I’d like us to focus our outrage on the lawmakers who have begun to run amuck making laws where 99% of us don’t need the law and it wouldn’t hurt the state to not pander to the 1% in every case.
Why, for instance, are there blind bumps in front of the entrance to the DMV? They even came up with a name for blind bumps so they or it could sound more important. It’s called ‘tactile paving’ and while I think it’s completely necessary on street corners and mall exits when the visually impaired need to be aware of tons of metal bearing down on them, if you can’t find your car because you can’t see a car, why are you visiting the DMV? It can’t be to visit the friendly staff…they hate everyone even if you can’t see it.
I just wish the government would be the government and stop trying to be my parents. I already had parents and I had great parents so I know not to touch a hot stove and if I smoked, I would know not to do it while filling my car with gas…or breathing from an oxygen tank. I also know which side of the sidewalk is mine and I don’t take candy from strangers. I really don’t need to know the caloric content of my meal and if you think knowing the ingredients in a can of Pringles is going to stop me from eating them, you’re an idiot. And don’t try and tell me it’s so I can make an informed decision. If Californians were capable of making an informed decision…you wouldn’t have been elected. California just does that so they can start a new bureaucracy and keep people employed because we have some of the most ridiculous laws on the books. Did you know that in Baldwin Park it’s against the law to ride your bicycle in a swimming pool? That’s right…people used your money to make that a law. And they’re no better up north because in Chico you get a $500 fine for detonating a nuclear device and I bet that’ll make the terrorists think twice.
Politicians would go a long way in repairing their images if they would stop making laws to protect idiots because I think we’re flying in the face of Darwinism when they do that. And it’s not that I’m a firm believer in the “only the strong survive” mantra he posited but I think we can all agree that things would run more smoothly with fewer idiots around. What it comes down to is I think parents have become lazy and aren’t parenting enough and depending on a faulty government to do it for them. If you have to put a “Hot Coffee” warning on a cup of hot coffee…we’re doomed as a society. I’m also a big proponent of ‘no child left behind’ but if you’re in a mall and your kid has to be on a leash, couldn’t he be the one we leave behind?

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And we’re hard at work on our 2018.5 flyer and you can see those new products in early August. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…how about we make it a law?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Is It Hot Enough For You?

Donn James

In a blog of random thoughts a few weeks ago I mentioned how much I now despised waiters/waitresses warning me about a hot plate and apparently I didn’t elucidate, stipulate or enumerate enough for some of you, so let’s go into detail, get down to brass tacks and other hackneyed clichés. I most resent as an adult being told to be careful. I’m old and I understand the concept of fire and if the plate is too hot I’ll wait until it cools while I watch my salad being sautéed and my lemon wedges turn into lemonade on my “hot” plate.
As a nation we generally eat our foods hotter than we should but for some reason many restaurants have decided to serve our food on plates fashioned from fresh lava; I believe in the hope we will burn our tongues so we can’t taste how bad the food is. If we would all just eat our food at more moderate temperatures, the flavors wouldn’t be burned off and our plates wouldn’t need a warning label delivered by our server. When I see my steak go from rare to medium on the walk from the kitchen, the plate is too damned hot. The whole concept of plate warmers began with the idea of simply maintaining the temperature of the food in case your server got waylaid by someone needing an extra side of tartar sauce who didn’t seem to notice the server had an armful of plates heading to our table, but now has evolved to a state where my creamed corn has turned into popcorn by the time it gets to my table. If you bring my order of over-easy eggs and you’re wearing a fire-retardant glove, I know I’ll probably need a chisel to get to the yoke and I think you can turn off the plate warmer.
There are really only four reasons your plate might be too hot to touch and, quite frankly, none of them are good news. Your restaurant might have so few plates it just came out of the dishwasher which means is not only your food cooked to order but your plate may be washed to order. Your entrée might not look finished so they put the whole plate in the oven just to petrify it. It may have been perfectly cooked but has then sat under the heat lamps while your server finished up a pack of Marlboros outside by the dumpster. Finally, your meal may have gotten cold if the heat lamp malfunctioned so they slipped the plate into the microwave to bring it back to the temperature of the sun.
Here’s the deal…the food is supposed to be done cooking before it gets to my table so if I have to wait for my plate to cool while I watch my tortilla turn into a taco shell, you’re not getting a solid Yelp review. And if I think it’s just hot to give me the illusion of being freshly cooked instead of left over from Wednesday’s banquet, I probably won’t be back…unless I have a coupon.
I don’t like cold plates either which shouldn’t surprise you so I’ll mention the other trick employed by some restaurants. What they do is bring your salad on a plate they’ve kept under a box of Hot Pockets in the freezer since Tuesday. It’s supposed to keep your salad cold as if that would make rabbit food taste better but all I end up with is a crouton with frostbite. Added to that is a fork they keep in the ice tray and it’s so cold you can’t hold it without catching pneumonia so you end up watching your salad wilt on the plate while your fork melts.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And we’re hard at work on our 2018.5 flyer and you can see those new products in early August. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…is it too hot for you?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

It Hurts When I Do That

Donn James

If we kept a list of stupid things people say, “Times have changed” would be hovering around the top of the list because in the time it took me to type this sentence, well…time changed. That’s just how time works. The box of wine you had last night is not going to taste the same today because, well…time changed, and you left it sitting open on the kitchen counter while you threw up. The rash you have today that you didn’t have yesterday is another indicator that “times have changed.”
Nowhere is the change more noticeable than what time does to our bodies as hair leaves certain places and starts growing in other places…which are typically harder to reach. Things start drooping and I know I’m shrinking but my ears are getting longer. Physically, I’m at the point where I have to stretch a lot in the morning just to get the pain to a manageable level and I can’t figure out if it’s because I think I was an athlete or because I’m just old. I’m not even surprised any more when I wake up and at least one of my limbs isn’t working. In fact, I’m probably more surprised when they all work. I think I need to call up some old geeks and find out if they hurt like I do. If they all have thumb arthritis from writing all the code that runs the world, I’ll know it’s not just me. I don’t need a calculator to count my chins yet but I’m keeping a pretty close eye on that mole.
I’m actually pretty comfortable knowing I’m much less of a jock than I was 40-50 years ago because, like I said, that’s just how time works. I already told you I used to be taller but I feel like I started to shrink around 1985 so I’ve had 30+ years of that. I can’t buy pants off the rack anymore without needing them hemmed and even then I have enough material left over to make a quilt. I can still see over the steering wheel and I can’t walk under a coffee table yet but the fact that is on the horizon is…discomforting. When I limp to my golf cart and drive to where my ball is, it is definitely a quicker trip than it used to be and the hole now still seems to be so far away. And I certainly don’t have the speed I used to. I was watching a ball game the other night and I got up to go to the fridge, for what is not important. In that time the batter hit a triple so let’s break that down. In the time it took me to go 12 feet to the fridge, this guy hit a ball and ran 270 feet. Now you might think he had an adrenaline rush on his side but I have to admit that reaching into my fridge really gets my heart going so I think we’re about even. I suppose I should be content with the fact that I accidentally but regularly step on snails on my sidewalk so I think I’m still faster than they are.
What I don’t need is for you to tell me, “I’ll pray for you” because that may help you but it’s not helping me. Get off your butt and help me push the car, move the piano or express the glands of a St. Bernard. You sitting at home with a candle burning while you work your way through a rosary is not getting the job done.

IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And we’re hard at work on our 2018.5 flyer and you can see those new products in early August. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…how do you feel?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment

Baby, I Think I See a Gap

Donn James

We are 60 days out from adding a new member in the family and, while excited about the addition, I am tired of looking at baby clothes. The thing is, these days they are not baby clothes and instead they are adult clothes sized down as if to fit a garden gnome, while I’m all for letting the little guy run around in a diaper until he’s old enough to look through the J Crew catalog and pick his own outfits.
I find it odd that we think we can hurry the zygote through childhood by dressing him in overalls like he just came in from plowing the back 40. And what’s with all the pockets in kid’s clothing? In California about the only thing a baby has is a cell phone and none of the pockets are big enough for that. As babies, the only other thing they have a rudimentary working knowledge of is a bottle and that won’t fit either. What they really need is one of those beer guzzler hardhats with a bottle of milk in it and a hose that comes down to their mouth. That way they’d get nourishment and strengthen their neck muscles so they’re able to turn their heads and that will come in handy for watching tennis on TV. When they achieve a certain age I suppose they could carry around an emergency supply of Cheerios but the first time they get hugged, all they’re going to have in their pocket is a pile of oat dust. Babies can’t reach the doorknob and wouldn’t know how to work it if they could so they certainly don’t need a house key in their pocket. I guess if you put the baby in jeans the front pockets are big enough for a small switchblade…or a set of lock picks if you’re raising a cat burglar. The other odd thing about baby jeans is they have the bottoms turned so the jeans have cuffs. The kid has been two places…in a crib and a car seat and you’re worried that he might trip.
The fact the kid can’t walk brings up another bone of contention and that is baby shoes. Did you know you can buy Converse Chuck Taylors for your baby…as if he’s going to play a little one-on-one against the zygote next door? He can’t even walk. Kenneth Cole makes a baby boat shoe so you don’t have to worry about him slipping when he’s out drinking on that party boat. And Ralph Lauren even makes a suede oxford, apparently so he’s dressed like he just left a meeting with his financial advisor when he throws up on Daddy’s shoulder. To add to the madness Timberland has a full line of boots for babies. The kid lives on a blanket in the living room and you have him dressed like he’s ready to scale Mt Whitney. I can only imagine that your kid is thinking, “I don’t even know how to roll over but let’s go on a hike.”
I was going to leave hats out of this but I’m afraid of what you parents will do so I’ll just mention a couple of things. I’m all for protecting the fair skin and even though you don’t need to have a license to have a child although you should, you have an obligation to keep the kid out of emergency rooms to the best of your ability but remember…nobody looks good in a fedora…not your baby, not Pharrell, not Taylor Swift. Just get the kid a simple bucket hat; it will cover their head and they’ll be fine since they don’t know what’s going on around them anyway but stay away from the Hogan caps…you’re not raising a Scottish sheep farmer.
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…what are you wearing?

Posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales | Leave a comment