There was an article on the internet about the different people in line for the throne of England because it was a slow news day and all the stories about the Catholic church and old cars found in barns had been done so the net was scrambling for something to catch the attention of the 5 billion of us not living in China. It’s continually an uphill battle as the 5 billion of us combined have the attention span of a raindrop.
The problem is it’s a line of succession decided by birth and they’re all members of what we grew up calling the lucky sperm club so I wonder if any of them look at the list and wonder how they can pick up any ground and move up on the list. Since it’s strictly by birth it’s not like you can badmouth your sister and move up a spot that way. No, you have to take her out. So do any of them look at the list and think, “Well, I’m certainly going to outlive her because I just saw her eat a whole order of fish and chips?” But they can fool you because the Queen is about 92 and she doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. The only thing she’s done to conserve energy is have dogs with little short legs so they can’t run fast and she doesn’t have to chase them. She has people for that. I just wonder if Eugenia, who is about 8th on the list is trying to figure out a way to get everyone ahead of her on a boat somewhere in crocodile-infested waters. How can that thought not have crossed her mind? Right this second she could be thinking, “Well, I’ll miss my dad but I don’t really like any of the rest of them.” While I was perusing the list of succession I noticed that Zenouska Mowatt is 58th in line and I thought about how frustrating it is for her. She’s given up and is probably hiding in a closet somewhere wailing, “I’m never going to be Queen…and they named me Zenouska.” Was she named after a disease?” As in, have you been vaccinated for zenouska? The Queen’s eldest child, Prince Charles, is the heir to the throne but he’s even older than I, and I can tell you that even I wouldn’t want me to be running any country. If I was running England, I’d at least make all of them go in for regular dental checkups.
I suppose I could be wrong because outside of Harry and Kate they’re a pretty uptight bunch. In fact, the royals are the most uptight group in an uptight country on an uptight continent and the most amazing thing is that they kicked our ancestors out around 400 years ago for being even more uptight. So look at us now and you know we’re probably not ones to talk. Since we broke away from England, we really don’t have much in the way of lines of succession. Oh, we have it in government but it doesn’t really affect us; we just see it as another idiot in charge. Although most of us are really thankful Betsy DeVos is way down the list, about 16th in line, it’s still embarrassing that she’s even on the list but a lot of people have to keel over before we get to her. We just have to make sure the other 15 aren’t ever in the same room together. At this point most of us would be fine if everyone in line abdicated and we turned things over to the Secretary of Fast Food.
In reality, the closest thing most Americans have that relates to the British royals line of succession is the kid’s table at Thanksgiving. You know the little table where we put the unhinged monsters who can’t be trusted to eat with adults. I think every one of us has had to sit at that table and we all wondered, “How many of those old people have to kick the bucket before I get a spot there?” The food is no different but I want to sit somewhere where I don’t have to dodge peas being flicked off a little kid’s spoon. I distinctly remember thinking, “Uncle Lou is on borrowed time already and maybe his nurse won’t cut his turkey into small enough pieces. I’m pretty sure nobody but me knows the Heimlich” or “Grandma’s sucking mashed potatoes through a straw. This had got to be her last year.”
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. And the IMC 2018.5 flyer is out and you can see those new products on our website and download a copy of the flyer. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…are you in line?