I awoke this morning with a minor dilemma in that nothing particularly irritating had happened this week but then I remembered there had been random moments of lunacy that might be worth sharing. We were out to dinner earlier this week and for about the millionth time a waiter told me, “Careful, plate is hot.” Firstly, I’m eating at 4:30 so I’ve been around the block a time or two and secondly, you’re putting the plate down wearing an oven mitt so that’s another clue. Thirdly, if you do your job right and put it down where it should be there’s no reason for me to touch my plate. And fourthly because I’m feeling a little cranky, stop making the plates so damned hot. If I wanted my steak to go from rare to medium on the walk to my table, I would have ordered it that way.
Why do I get the feeling that most people who write self-help books are helpless? I would think the first criteria should be knowledge of the subject in which you’re professing to be proficient but I’m seeing books seemingly written by people who seem to need a diagram to tie their own shoes. I’m used to cookbooks being written by people a little on the robust side and that is actually genuine because we all get the feeling they know of what they speak and I wouldn’t have the same feeling if some emaciated waif tried to tell me how to cook a pork chop. I don’t even trust Giada because she’s too damned thin. That said, if you’re lying in bed cranking out recipes until they need a crane to lift you out of bed and get you to the morgue, you’ve probably gone too far the other way…and I’m a little afraid to read your cookbook. On a side note, let’s get rid of those motorized carts for old, fat men. You’re depriving them of the one thing they need…exercise. In fact, stores would be doing them a favor if they put the aisles closer together so the carts wouldn’t fit and they would have to get off and walk because if you have to turn sideways and sidle down the aisle to get to the Oreos, maybe it’s time you bought some grapes. When their body spills out over all sides of the cart, they just look like a cupcake on a skateboard.
This is California and while we’ve seen almost everything, that doesn’t mean you can get away with everything. Remember we have an obligation to tell the rest of the country what is cool because they certainly don’t know. But lately the fashion magazines seem to be full of crap because if you’re wearing a purple blazer over blue jeans, under a red fedora and you decide to complete the look with socks and sandals; I’m not buying your ‘Dress for Success’ book. You were either raised by Peewee Herman or are auditioning for the new game show…Find the Geek. That’s just not a good look on men. I’m certainly no expert but I know what the color wheel is. And while I know nothing about women I’m told you dress for men so I have a couple of tips. If any part of your apparel is hanging off your shoulder and it’s not designed to, you need to learn to dress yourself. If the dress you like looks like the quilt in your Grandmother’s spare bedroom, that’s probably where the dress belongs…maybe right next to the platform sneakers. And stop wearing socks with sandals; you’re in America for crying out loud.
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 60 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We hope we had a chance to meet in Las Vegas and you had a chance to meet some of our wonderful retail partners from MoMA, Areaware, Blunt, Kikkerland, Magisso, HydAway and Dynomighty. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…maybe you should write a book?