I’ll be missing part of next week because I’m being dragged kicking and screaming to Las Vegas for our biggest convention of the year. I understand this is not the message the Nevada Tourism Bureau is trying to get out but my company seems willing to overlook my natural aversion to salespeople and is counting on my firm handshake and winning personality to carry the day. To be fair, it is a great convention and we actually make deals and see connections but it’s still in Las Vegas and I’d rather spend three days in a dumpster behind a nuclear refinery in downtown Beirut than go to Vegas. Going to Las Vegas is like being told you can live forever but it has to be in a garage in Needles. Vegas is like going to visit your in-laws only to find out they’ve put in a Ferris wheel and a museum dedicated to all the matchbooks they’ve collected since the first big war. And to really draw the crowds, they now have a room dedicated to Aunt Ethel’s thimble collection. Vegas is where people go to forget the bachelor or bachelorette party they haven’t attended yet.
In reality, the convention centers inside the big casinos are not really Vegas so I don’t want to seem prejudiced against everything there…although I’m probably failing at that endeavor. From everything I’ve experienced in the last 45 years I can tell you that having a convention in Las Vegas is like having a birthday party in the 8th Circle of Hell. Because the second you step out of the casino somebody is handing you a flyer with numbers of men and women you probably wouldn’t take home to meet Grandma.
One area notably absent from the city’s advertising campaign is the downtown area which also functions as a giant welcome room for the state’s prisons. It should be fenced off with “Enter At Your Own Risk” signs everywhere because if you walk those streets, at the very least you’re going to need a tetanus shot…and probably a transfusion. There is a zip line above the main street and as you ride it, you feel like you’re flying through a season of Jerry Springer episodes. I don’t expect to spend any time in the downtown area since the only conventions down there are sponsored by parole boards and rehab clinics.
People visit Las Vegas and somehow forget the other 49 states also have alcohol so they drink like they’re hydrating for a marathon. If I wanted to hang around with drunks at 9:00 in the morning, I’d visit Russia again. It’s the only town in America where being drunk in public is on everyone’s résumé. Thankfully, I’ll be busy with the convention and somewhat divorced from the action on the strip so I’ll also run into fewer orange people. I don’t know if it’s the weird lighting or they’re bringing in tanning oil by tanker truck but there are a lot of orange people. And it’s not the softer ‘Hollywood’ orange where they apply a light orange spray and tell you they just vacationed in Cabo. The Vegas orange is much harsher…like they dropped you into hot oil like you were an order of French fries. Seeing a crowd in Las Vegas is like seeing a giant bag of tangerines…with feet.
Over time Las Vegas has made modest efforts to present the city as family-friendly but for most of the casinos that just means they have a couple of RV parking spots at the back end of the property. The strip also has stores dedicated to the Coca Colas of the world and to M&Ms but visiting them doesn’t qualify you for a Girl Scout merit badge or anything. They are the only places in the town without slot machines so at least it’s quiet and sometimes you just have to slip into one of them to avoid the greasy guy trying to slip you another flyer.
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. The 2018 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services and we’re busy getting ready for PPAI 2018 where we invite you to visit Booth 3751 to see what’s new from IMC in our collections and out retail brands. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2018 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2018 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…is that your real skin color?