As I came into being near the end of a generation I hereby declare myself absolved of all blame and I cast the finger of guilt to the current generation as it now winds down. You, those of you with moderately adult children, young adults or school-aged, are the root of the problem. You gave us play dates, participation trophies and wet wipes. Once again I remind you that my generation was sometimes better, sometimes worse, but always different. We would have been my generation’s version of latch-key kids except most of our parents didn’t trust us with keys. We never had play dates; we were just told to go outside and not come back until dinner and most of us couldn’t go back because the doors were locked.
And when did you get permission to call them sleepovers? Back in the day you just spent the night with someone. We didn’t need to invent some psycho-babble because you had a dirty mind and needed to define it wholesomely. You are the same people I see spit-shining your shopping cart with a wet wipe before you slip into Safeway as if you were Christiaan Barnhard preparing for a heart transplant. This obsession with germs has made this generation more susceptible to disease than Andy Dufresne escaping from Shawshank Prison. I’m older than most of you so I can remember being 17th in line to drink out of a hose. Yes, water didn’t use to come out of a bottle in those days but nobody worried about “backwash” or catching anything. In fact, our parents made us play with sick kids just to catch diseases and get them out of the way. I can remember being told to go kiss Mary because she has the chickenpox and you don’t have school next week. Without being too graphic I would like to mention that Arkansas has been executing people lately at about the same rate that people are being kicked off Delta flights and one of the news stations had a shot of a nurse swabbing the injection site with alcohol before they administered the fatal dose…and that is only slightly more stupid than you wiping down your shopping cart. The prisoner is about to catch, well…death and that’s probably a little more serious than your runny nose.
By the way, thanks again for the participation trophy which, by itself, has made more kids not try than your meager threats to take away their phone. You have turned far more kids into underachievers than a C- ever has. Who decided that every kid should get a trophy just because the parents were able to scrape up the registration fee and bring orange slices one week during the season? The fact is, I really don’t care about winning and I believe over-zealous coaches should be sent to Arkansas but the truth is that sports, debate, dance, chess are contests and to not have a winner is insulting to you. And since every kid knows within 20 minutes of the first practice of the season who the best 2 or 3 kids on the team are; treating them as if they are all equal on the field, court, classroom or course is insulting to them. And while I advocate teaching kids every position, during the game kids should play where they are comfortable given the needs of the team as opposed to the individual…that’s what team means. If you have a goalie that likes to play goalie and is good at it, why should he or she have to come out for half the game so you can play a kid who is afraid of the ball, doesn’t like to play goalie, and whose greatest accomplishment this season has been finding a worm?
IMC has in excess of 2200 promotional products that will help you serve your client and we are adding new brand partners and products from our collections and our established retail brand partners. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. Our products with decoration will have your customer coming back time and time again. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 50 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. We invite you to browse any of our 2,200+ products on the BRAND NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. You can register as a distributor, track orders, upload art for virtual samples and even create your own flyers and catalogs of our products. We welcome you to 2017 and wish you the best and we hope you had time to stop and visit IMC at the PPAI Las Vegas show. The 2017 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and is posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. You can also request our 2017 catalog using the catalog page of our website or download the PDF. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2017 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com and on our website if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs and it can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you say…do you have a cold?