Well, we’ve successfully survived the first half of 2016 and the fireworks will start on the 4th but probably not end until the general election on November 8th. I certainly wish the best for everyone to have a safe and sane 4th but I know that’s not going to happen so if you’re not reading this column next Friday, I’ll just hope the explosion didn’t hurt anyone around you at the time and I’ll remember you fondly as you sit for eternity in that special section of hell that is reserved for idiots.
The annual 4th of July ‘thinning of the herd’ celebration always claims a few and the accompanying injuries, while providing comic relief for the rest of us, are usually well deserved so don’t come into the office on Tuesday missing a finger and expect us to believe your story of flossing your teeth and the floss got stuck and you pulled too hard and garroted your digit. And if you lost a cousin because you convinced him that the fuse on that cherry bomb had gone out…that’s on you. If your friends call you ‘Stumpy’ because you thought it would be a good idea to light those little firecrackers all at once, good luck learning to write with your left hand. If you held that M80 a little too low, you can explain to your wife why she’s not going to have the 12th child she always wanted.
As I age I become more and more convinced we need days like the 4th because every time Mother Nature tries to control the population with a new disease, we come along and unwittingly cure it and I think we’re making her mad. And since I haven’t heard of any plagues coming to our shores, I think we need days like the 4th to cull some of this dead weight from our census; especially during an election year.
It seems we make rules and have tests for almost everything now but when you magically reach 18 you automatically know how to play with fireworks and vote? I have to pass tests to coach your child and drive a car and light bulbs come with instructions on how to screw them in so I’m already mad at the dumbing down of America and when something important like an election comes along we just let anyone 18 and over do it. So, because firework accidents on the 4th usually only impact the chronically stupid, I think it might be time to require Americans pass a simple test to be allowed to vote and, as a patriot, I’ve devised a short quiz to better serve the American public no matter which side of the fence you favor.
1. If you can name Taylor Swift’s boytoy but not the vice president…you don’t get to vote.
2. If you think every time Kenny dies on South Park, it’s real…you don’t get to vote.
3. If you can spell Kardas…Cardash…Kardass…ian…ion…ine…you don’t get to vote.
4. If you think peanut butter and jelly in the same jar is a good idea…you don’t get to vote.
5. If you’re related to anyone on any “Real Housewives of…”…you don’t get to vote.
6. If you can’t believe Adam Sandler has never won an Oscar…you don’t get to vote.
What do you think? Can we vote on it?
It’s not really that different in business. IMC has some winning promotional products and, for 2016, we have new products from our collections and 6 new retail brands for the industry. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. We will blow your mind with our decorations and we will make your customer think you are off the hook. The 2016 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and will be posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. If you’re curious about click on the tab and see. You can also get on the distribution list for our 2016 catalog using the catalog page of our website. We have new items in the IMC Collections and several new retail brands debuting in 2016 and we are already working on our mid-year catalog with new items debuting at the SAAC show in August. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. This year we are proud to present Just Mobile, Block, Magisso, PlayableART, Molla Space and Airplane Pockets to the promotional products industry. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…can we get an absentee ballot?