Is This a Pyramid Scheme?

Donn James

Donn James

So, I’m sitting here eating a bagel the size of a truck tire with enough cream cheese to caulk a bathtub and I’m wondering how many servings of grain and dairy I can chop off my daily food pyramid. I have been keeping a closer eye on the food pyramid these days because, for some unknown reason, people around me apparently want me to live. My doctor would like me to lose 10 pounds and I’m proud to say I only have 20 pounds to go. I don’t exactly have a love/hate relationship with the food pyramid; it’s more of a hate/hate relationship because most nights I dream of deboning the sadist who came up with the damned idea.
I’m not a big fan of pyramids in general because I’ve learned the people who invented them years ago are buried in them, usually on purpose but sometimes by accident and the only way we use them today is to describe multilevel marketing schemes so I naturally assume anything in a pyramid is a scam so it wouldn’t surprise me to learn the food pyramid was invented by a farmer looking to sell his barn full of wheat. I’m also worried that if I follow the food pyramid, that’s the shape my body is going to assume.
How is a body supposed to eat 11 servings of grain in 1 day? If I did that I wouldn’t be able to leave the house…because I’d be as big as the house. 11 servings? That’s like eating Iowa. How many boxes of Fruit Loops do I have to eat to get 11 servings of grain? As I go up a level in the pyramid I find I’m supposed to eat 5 servings from the vegetable group and that’s a little more tolerable because, with the right dressing, salads are OK. People will tell you the bad stuff is in the dressing and I’m like well…Duh, of course it is. Just like chocolate syrup improves the taste of dirt. You can’t eat it otherwise. When the first Native American had lettuce he actually asked, in his native language, “Can you please pass the ranch dressing?” When the Neanderthals first had potatoes they thought, “This could use…ketchup.” I have learned that every vegetable is edible…once you wrap it in bacon. Except Brussel sprouts…those you have to also submerge in butter. Another reason it’s hard is that you can’t go into McDonald’s and order a bowl of legumes because nobody knows what you’re talking about. The 4 servings of fruit are much easier for me because I consider raspberry popsicles a fruit and I can get oranges from some guy at the stop sign by my freeway exit. And banana bread gives me a hit in 2 categories. The next step up is even simpler with 3 servings from milk and cheese and 3 from the meat group because I call that…breakfast.
When you’re young you never think about aging so when you do age, you’re constantly surprised and you tend to wonder, “What am I supposed to do now because I never expected to last this long?” That’s when you start to think, “If I’d known I was going to still be here, I’d have spent a lot more time at Taco Bell.” That is why old people look perpetually bewildered and we think they don’t know where they are. They know where they are…they just can’t believe it.
I think I’ve come to the realization that if you want to eat a little of everything it’s OK and it’s really about preparation and balance. For instance, I’m always prepared because I carry a knife…not for protection but just in case somebody brings cake. And I have days where I eat salads and go for a run or swim and other days where I eat cookies and don’t put on pants…now that’s balance.

It’s not really that different in business. IMC has some delicious promotional products and, for 2016, we have new products from our collections and 6 new retail brands for the industry. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. We will blow your mind with our decorations and we will make your customer think you are a top chef. The 2016 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and will be posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. If you’re curious about What's New?click on the tab and see. You can also get on the distribution list for our 2016 catalog using the catalog page of our website. We have new items in the IMC Collections and several new retail brands debuting in 2016. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. This year we are proud to present Just Mobile, Block, Magisso, PlayableART, Molla Space and Airplane Pockets to the promotional products industry. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or TwitterIMC wants to know…is a cupcake a grain?


About IMC

IMC is a prime manufacturer and supplier of products to the promotional products industry. We sell only to qualified promotional products distributors. ASI supplier, PPAI supplier. Our lines include our own IMC lines and 26 branded lines.
This entry was posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales. Bookmark the permalink.

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