I’ve given it a lot of thought and there seems to be plenty of time left so, while I have a lot on my plate, I’ve decided to do the United States a favor and run for president since that appears to be the attitude most of the current candidates hold and I usually think I know what’s best for most of the people around me, so it’s probably time I widened my circle and told the whole country what to do with their lives…lives the current candidates have never had to live by the way. My drive to serve my country is so strong I’m willing to take a temporary leave of absence from my part-time job bussing tables during the breakfast rush at iHop.
So I’m happy to announce, without any measure of humility, my candidacy for President of the United States and expect you to vote for me. I’m sure I’ll sail through the vetting process as I haven’t done more than 6 or 8 things since breakfast that could get me arrested.
Now, since I occasionally forget to pay attention, I had to be reminded we have a 2-party system and I have to choose one of them because the fringe element of Libertarians, Green and Peace & Freedom parties don’t get invited to the debates. They’re like the crazy aunts and uncles who only get invited on Thanksgiving…and only reluctantly then. So I carefully investigated both parties to see in which one I would have a better chance of winning because, as I understand it, you have to win or you can’t tell people what to do. Clearly, nobody is listening to Mitt Romney.
The Democrats have really started culling the herd of candidates and are now down to two but they both look like beloved media characters and I’m not sure I could beat Martha Stewart or Mr. Rogers since they’ve been telling kids and adults what to do for years. On the Republican side, they have so many candidates they can’t fit into an SUV which works out because they already look like a bunch of senior citizens on the bus from the retirement home going to a birthday lunch at Denny’s. There is one young guy from Florida but I think he just helps the old guys with their portable oxygen.
I watched the debate last night and made up my mind because it looks like I’d fit right in with the Republicans. I’m just as old and white as most of them and I usually have no idea what I’m talking about and since they disagree on almost every issue and just call each other names, I’ll feel like I’m back in the school yard during 5th grade recess.
Like most Americans, I would like to see the debates become more than an opportunity for the panel to throw mud at each other and the biggest disservice being done to the voters is being done by the media. Last night’s debate was on Fox and while I, may or may not, consider them to be complete idiots, all of the media channels have done nothing more than promote themselves. Fox and the rest have completely given up reporting and are now trying to make the story, instead of just reporting the story. You can’t even call them debates anymore because the media doesn’t let them debate each other; they have to answer questions from the media. And I know somebody has to write the questions for the media because watching the candidates explain their position to the media people is like watching Einstein explain the Theory of Relativity to a gerbil. It makes me long for the old days when Edward R. Murrow would be sitting there smoking and just yell at the candidate if he didn’t think he could find Cuba on a map.
I certainly want to thank all of you for your support but I’ve had to withdraw from the race as I don’t seem to be able to finance the campaign on my tips from iHop. Besides, I think we treat most presidents like dementia patients…telling them what to wear and where to go…and who somebody is. My family does that for me already. It just seems like the job would be a lot of work just to get out of dumping the trash or making my bed for 8 years.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC should get your vote to supply and decorate your promotional products and, for 2016, we have new products from our collections and 6 new retail brands for the industry. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and will be posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. If you’re curious about click on the tab and see. You can also get on the distribution list for our 2016 catalog using the catalog page of our website. We have new items in the IMC Collections and several new retail brands debuting in 2016. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. This year we are proud to present Just Mobile, Block, Magisso, PlayableART, Molla Space and Airplane Pockets to the promotional products industry. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…when’s the next debate?