Here’s my problem. I’m looking at my Facebook page and apparently, because I won’t go to your house and look at vacation pictures or watch your home movies, you’ve decided to inundate my page with what you think is adorable and I think is drivel. I don’t want to see the fish you caught, I don’t want to see something you tried to bake or your kids in team uniforms and I don’t want to see your pets because when I see a pot-bellied pig, all it makes me is…hungry. But lately I’ve noticed I’m being assaulted with a variety of rambling homily-like posts, you know the type…Be kind to strangers, don’t shake babies, recycle your blood, yada yada yada. What follows is a long and particularly annoying one I have chosen to share and embellish with comments since I live in the real world.
LIVE BENEATH YOUR MEANS-because living above them is working out so well for us and I’d rather not live in my car.
RETURN EVERYTHING YOU BORROW-but I’m going to need that rototiller again in the spring and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to want that robe back.
STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE-I have to because nobody believes me when I blame my dog.
ADMIT IT WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE-I did that once but then it turned out I was right all along so now I only admit that others make mistakes.
GIVE CLOTHES NOT WORN TO CHARITY-I’ve actually tried to do that but the homeless people just laugh at me.
DO SOMETHING NICE AND TRY NOT TO GET CAUGHT-I helped an old lady halfway across a busy street and then I ran away so I wouldn’t get caught.
LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS-I do this all the time but it doesn’t seem to be catching on with anyone I’m around.
EVERY DAY TAKE A 30 MINUTE WALK-I save this for the night and get it walking back and forth from my bed to the bathroom.
STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE NOT PERFECTION-I’m already there but too many of you are busy striving for so-so and ooops.
BE ON TIME-you can only use the ‘my cat caught on fire’ excuse once in a while or people will call the ASPCA.
DON’T MAKE EXCUSES-If many of you didn’t make excuses you wouldn’t get anything made.
DON’T ARGUE-I’m right. That’s it. End of story.
GET ORGANIZED-I just got a note from my calendar. It quit and is moving to Idaho.
BE KIND TO PEOPLE-I try and do this but many of you are arguing with me.
BE KIND TO UNKIND PEOPLE-but if I do this how will they know I don’t like them?
LET SOMEONE CUT AHEAD OF YOU IN LINE-that might be fine once in a while at Safeway but if you try it on an LA freeway, you’ll end up with a Dodge Charger in your trunk.
TAKE TIME TO BE ALONE-or at least be somewhere I’m not.
CULTIVATE GOOD MANNERS-that would be fine if I thought the majority of you understood the word cultivate.
BE HUMBLE-it’s harder for me since I’m so good at everything but I’m making an effort trying to do something that should be a snap for most of you.
REALIZE AND ACCEPT THAT LIFE ISN’T FAIR-TV has turned the race for the Presidency into a reality show…deal with it.
KNOW WHEN TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT-mmmph hmmth mfth smhth.
GO AN ENTIRE DAY WITHOUT CRITICIZING ANYONE-if everyone I come into contact with followed this list, I wouldn’t have to say a thing.
LEARN FROM THE PAST-as Custer taught us…you can’t surround the Indians with 12 guys and a goat.
PLAN FOR THE FUTURE-unless you think ‘beam me up, Scotty’ is really going to be a thing; then I’d fall back on that whole ‘Learn from the Past’ thing.
LIVE IN THE PRESENT-as if many of you have another choice.
DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF-if you are busy with the small stuff you won’t recognize the nightmares that are probably just around the corner waiting to turn your life into a hellish vortex.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC wishes you the best in 2016 with new products from our collections and 6 new retail brands for the industry. We believe IMC products speak for themselves and we can also show you ways to use and market them to your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is available by request from the IMC website and will be posted on the online services. We’ll continue to treat our clients professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. If you’re curious about click on the tab and see. You can also get on the distribution list for our 2016 catalog using the catalog page of our website. We have new items in the IMC Collections and several new retail brands debuting in 2016. We have products for every event and if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. The 2016 IMC catalog is also live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. This year we are proud to present Just Mobile, Block, Magisso, PlayableART, Molla Space and Airplane Pockets to the promotional products industry. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…are you organized?