Do You Need a Ride?

Donn James

Donn James

It’s New Year’s Eve day and it only happens once a year…at least since we invented time. Before we invented calendars…and  alcohol, time stood still for most of us. Every year my cautions fall on conveniently deaf ears so I once again advise you to keep your cars off my sidewalks, out of my neighborhood and kindly request that if you decide to crash, please run into a tree as opposed to other cars and people…not my tree of course. I kindly take time out of my busy day to remind you that New Year’s Eve is for amateurs, children with access to a liquor cabinet and others who respond to the call of ‘FREE alcohol’ with the gusto of the first person in line at Walmart on Black Friday. I’m turning my phone off at 7:00 and not visiting the ATM so don’t bother calling if you need bail money or a ride from jail. Try Uber.
This infatuation with alcohol has been fermenting since the first Irishman said, “I think these potatoes will go bad by January. What can we make with them?” And I’m still at a loss to explain why alcohol has come to be inextricably intertwined with New Year’s Eve…as if any of the lot of you needs an excuse to drink. Some of you are probably drinking away 2015 and some of you are drunkenly welcoming 2016 and, in reality, the calendar doesn’t care. While the calendar and I think the 31st is just another day, you see New Year’s Eve as your last chance to make one more bad decision for the year and too many of you do not take that task lightly. You even think you have history on your side because history’s first recorded instance combining alcohol and New Year’s Eve was Moses standing in the desert holding a goatskin that once held wine shouting and pointing, “A burning bush just told me the promised land is…that way.” Years later Hannibal was about halfway across the Alps on New Year’s Eve when he famously stated, “I need more than one drink if you want me to get back on that elephant.” Later it was Ben Franklin, who thought the eagle was of “bad moral character” and the turkey a “bird of courage” so he may have already been over-served. When he found out on December 31st, 1782 that the nation had chosen the eagle over the turkey as the national bird, his kind of thinking caused him to promptly drown his sorrows in a vat of grog…at the home of Betsy Ross. More recently it was Richard Nixon who polished off a bottle of Fireball on New Year’s Eve in 1974 and cried, “I quit. Call my helicopter, I’m moving to California.”
Though history is rife with poor decisions made on New Year’s Eve, there is no reason to find yourself following their trails. The eve is about remembering the night and the people surrounding you, not forgetting it in a blitzkrieg of alcohol bombs and waking up in a bush with your shoes on backwards wondering who you are. If you are attending a party and your first thought is ‘free booze’ and not good food and friends, you are probably destined to be familiar with the following acronyms:  IOU, DUI, OMG and WTF. Think of your body as a car and if you can look down and see that your {Check Liver} light is on, you’ve probably had enough. In fact, the roads would be safer if you just sat and drank on the floor next to the toilet bowl since that’s where many of you will pass out later.
As for me, if I’m up at midnight I’ve just awakened from a coma. Some years I don’t even make it to the ball drop in New York, and I learned it all from my parents. I implore you, if you are of an age where you still have them, celebrate the New Year with your parents. They learned long ago the holiday is crap so have a nice dinner, drink wine in the recliner watching them yell at the TV and it doesn’t cost you anything, and you’re already reclining so you don’t have that far to fall. If your parents haven’t yet grown up…try your grandparents.
Since very few of you listen to my sage advice, often given though rarely requested, I expect many of you to bump heads with your significant others as you try to projectile vomit into the same bowl.

On this New Year’s Eve IMC would like to wish all of you the happiest of year-end holidays and please accept our best wishes for 2016. Next week we will debut new items from our collections and 6 new retail brands for the industry but for now, please stay safe at home or during your travels and we hope your holiday is filled with family, fun, feasts…and football.



About IMC

IMC is a prime manufacturer and supplier of products to the promotional products industry. We sell only to qualified promotional products distributors. ASI supplier, PPAI supplier. Our lines include our own IMC lines and 26 branded lines.
This entry was posted in Brands, Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales. Bookmark the permalink.

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