I’ve got to get off some of these email lists that have somehow tracked me down and think I’m the slightest bit interested in what they have to say or what they have to sell. I remain unconvinced there isn’t a monkey in a lab somewhere pounding a banana-covered keyboard while some geek in a white coat sits there adding .com every now and then. As I write this, on one of my other screens I’m looking at an email that says, California Wine Country with Your Dog and I can’t for the life of me understand how I made the list. First of all, I quit drinking when Nixon was president because I figured I’d need my wits about me and secondly, while my dog might enjoy a little merlot from time to time, he’s more of a Coors Light kind of guy. And his idea of a walk doesn’t extend any further than the nearest patch of grass so I don’t see him strolling from vineyard to vineyard, searching for the perfect Chardonnay.
How do we get on these lists? I get that Facebook is stalking me and I’m fine with that as I have very little to hide and it’s kind of fun now to get that add for cremation services or an ostrich ranch in Buellton because I just tag them as offensive or inappropriate, mark them as spam and send them back to Facebook. But I don’t understand how the emails find me because I grew up in the military and I don’t volunteer for anything. You may think the Marine motto is “Semper Fi” but the real motto is “Never Volunteer.” I spent so many years in and around the military, I don’t think I’d volunteer to win the lottery…because I would automatically assume there was a catch, so the likelihood I’m going to send you my money to help get your “money” out of your diamond mine in Tasmania is, let’s just say…slim. A lot of the spam I get these days is age-related so somewhere along the line they got my birth date and instead of sending me a card with money in it, they want to sell me a hearing aid. Maybe they think I can’t hear them when I’m really just not listening. Right now I’m looking at an email for walk-in tubs, as if they think I can’t lift my leg over the side of the tub. Well I can, but normal people don’t even take baths because…well, we want to be clean…and with a bath you’re just sitting in your own personal mud puddle. At best you’re just moving the dirt from one spot to another and who has the kind of free time necessary for a bath anyway?
All these emails are required to have an unsubscribe button but apparently there’s not yet a requirement that it work because you usually get taken to a web page that says, “Error, Request Unsuccessful.” Or you get the message that says, “Unsubscribe Successful” which is just a lie…like a guy driving a car who says, “I’m not lost. I know right where I am.”
I just received a new one from a professional seminar company, which in English stands for bad professionals wanting to teach you to be a good professional. This one is entitled How to Communicate with Tact and Professionalism…does anyone think I need that?
It’s not really that different in business. IMC sends the occasional email to our permission-based list and you can unsubscribe with ease but our items are fit for all ages, are beautifully packaged and we can show you ways to use and market them to your clients. IMC hopes you’re enjoying our new retail brands and products for the industry. With summer in bloom, our new designer sunglasses collection from Bobby Jones, Carmen Marc Valvo and Michael Stars might be just what you need. And we’ll continue to treat our customers professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. If you’re curious about click on the tab and see. You can thumb through our 2015 catalog from category to category and find many products that will accent your client’s event and we’ll get you what you want even if we have some suggestions on how to make it more rewarding. Go to the Catalog page of the IMC website and put your order in and we’ll get them to you. Let us know if you’d like samples. We want to help you make sense of your client’s request so we offer choices between new products and classic items so they can make presentations memorable. And IMC cares that your order is correct so we keep lots of products around that are suitable for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. You can also find our 2015 IMC catalog live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Kikkerland, Alessi, Nina Ricci and Blackpen. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…do you have relatives in Nigeria?