So I had to go to the Apple store the other day because apparently the people in our offices and my extended friends and family don’t make me feel enough like an idiot. I mean it’s the Apple store; it’s not like I’m lunching with Stephen Hawking but it’s pretty close. The last thing I want is some gear-head telling me what would be better. Here’s the deal…I just want it to work, I don’t care how it works. I was elected to subject myself to this abuse because Laurie was tired of my phone dying mid-conversation, deleting my voice mails from the Pope and Apple maps routing me from Oak Park to Malibu by going through Sylmar; so she told me to look into getting a new one. I had a gift card of indeterminate age stuck to the refrigerator anyway so I slid it into my pocket and headed out. Bear in mind that even though I use my phone mostly for making and receiving calls…pretty mundane I know…I’m not the kind of person who believes computers are magic like some others at the rest home. That said, I don’t use or understand all the functions and I’m OK with that but entering the store was a little daunting because they all looked like children with their iPads glued to their arms and smug looks on their faces. Even so, I crossed the threshold and waded through this sea of red T-shirts and pimples until I spied the person I thought most likely ran the projector in the audio/visual department in high school. During this search I avoided the person who had attempted to cover up every blemish with a tattoo and the three people who were talking to people that weren’t even there. I also walked around a table to avoid the guy who looked like he had just moved here from Idaho, where he lived in a cabin without indoor plumbing.
Knowing I was in the market for a phone triggered some sort of Pavlovian response from my “genius” and he began to assault me with questions about size, gigs, videos, music, all the while spraying enough spittle to make me look around for an umbrella. While the majority of these “geniuses” have no social skills, this guy was, at least, not overtly condescending, probably because he sensed I could blow at any minute. This proved true within a minute as I had to jab him in the throat to get him to stop asking me questions to which I had no answers. While he was trying to get his breath back, I gave him my phone and simply said, “This is what I have now. I want this but newer.” When he caught his breath, he punched more buttons on my phone in 4 seconds than I’ve touched in 2 years and whispered, “OK, here’s what we have.” My arm was again poised to strike when he showed me something the size of a sheet pan but I breathed deeply and calmly said, “I’m a guy. It has to fit into a pocket and you’re showing me something I can’t carry on an airplane. Try again.” We moved in size from sheet pan to pancake griddle to notebook and finally got to a model I liked and he began explaining the multitude of functions; none of which I understood…except for the fingerprint. My “genius” wisely deduced I was the kind of guy who had probably been fingerprinted.
In preparation for my escape I pulled out my gift card and it was like I had pulled out a loaf of bread at a duck farm. All the “geniuses” crowded around me because they had never seen a gift card that old. It was like I had opened a time capsule encased in cement for the last 25 years. Remember, these are people who don’t know we’ve walked on the moon and who think Bill is just Hilary’s husband. Once they took the gift card in payment, the Herculean task of moving my data from the old phone to the new one began. I was continuously asked for different passwords but these are also people who think I can remember every password and that’s like asking me the combination of my locker in 6th grade. Hell, it’s 12:00 and I can’t remember breakfast.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC has welcomed the New Year with new brands and products for the industry. New brands like Alessi, Areaware and our new designer sunglass collections are live on our website now and we hope you had time to drop by our booth at the PPAI show and see the samples. We’ll continue to treat our customers professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. We also have our 2015 catalog ready to ship and you can move through the IMC catalog from category to category and find many products that will accent your client’s event and we’ll get you what you want even if we have some suggestions on how to make it more rewarding. We’ll even send you samples. We want to help you make sense of your client’s request so we offer choices between new products and classic items so they can make presentations memorable. And IMC cares that your order is correct so we keep lots of products around that are suitable for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. Go to the Catalog page of the IMC website and put your order in and we’ll get them to you. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. And all of our new items are visible in the
section of our website. The 2015 IMC catalog is live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Kikkerland, Ten Design, Finelife and Blackpen. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…did you block my number?