I needed a quick meal last night so I went to the deli. I tried to time it so I would miss the senior citizen rush but apparently 5:00 was too early and they were still busy trying to get everyone with a walker to a table. After waiting a few minutes I was able to circumvent this landmine of walkers and canes and get to my table. I was then handed a menu the size of the Guttenberg Bible. Seriously, they should bring it to the table on a forklift. It had more pages than the phone book in New Delhi. My theory is that they don’t cook anything very well so delis offer everything so you won’t notice. That’s why they offer things like tongue, gefilte fish and chopped liver. Nobody knows what that crap is supposed to taste like so how can we complain? Tuna salad? When I was growing up, tuna salad was what you made when you were out of real food. Cabbage soup? Isn’t that what they serve prisoners? I usually only go to a deli when I haven’t had enough vinyl and linoleum in my life. I like that when you sit down you can’t get up until you leave because you have to kind of peel yourself off the seat. Delis remind me of my grandmother’s kitchen and the odd thing is…we weren’t that close.
A lot of people like delis because you can get breakfast at dinner but now every deli has omelets that try to sneak dinner in. I’d like to have a long talk with the guy who thought up the chicken liver omelet. When I think of that, it always begs the question, “Which came first…the chicken or the egg?” They’re both in there. And don’t even try and sell me an omelet with chili on it. That’s wrong on so many levels. As I turn the pages, which can only be done by breaking the seal made by the pieces of food that are stuck to the pages, I notice a lot of the selections are what we would call…soft foods. You just don’t go to the deli for a good steak but it’s on the menu. Usually, they call it something like their “special steak.” Probably since it’s been off the cow for an especially long time but there are two other good reasons people don’t go to a deli for a steak. One, delis tend to grind up all the meats into a paste of some sort and two, as I look around the room I figure most of the customers aren’t chewing the food with their original teeth.
After ordering I notice there is almost no room on the table for a plate because of all the condiments. I’m looking at ketchup, pickles, hot sauces, syrups, sugars, fake sugars, and a collection of mustard from around the world. I can’t even find the now mundane salt and pepper in this forest of plastic bottles. I now have the ammunition to turn the taste of what I ordered into something I didn’t order…so I’m good. I’d also want to talk to the guy who decided to put honey into mustard. Why have we become so obsessed with turning something into something else? Here’s the deal…mustard doesn’t need your help. My son hates mustard so, guess what…he doesn’t eat it; he’s not mixing it with whipped cream and bananas.
Most of the delis have jumped on the “healthy heart” bandwagon but there’s only so much they can do with their selections. If you want the “lite” version of Matzo Ball Soup, they just take out the Matzo Balls and their “Hi-Pro Special” is a hamburger patty, cottage cheese from another era and a slice of rye toast. I’d try that but that’s what my grandmother ate every day and since she was the working model for Jabba the Hutt…I’m not so sure that’s the way to go.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC has welcomed the New Year with new brands and products for the industry. New brands like Alessi, Areaware and our new designer sunglass collection are live on our website now and we hope you had time to drop by our booth at the PPAI show this week and see the samples. We’ll continue to treat our customers professionally and get your orders to you…on time and on budget. We also have our 2015 catalog ready to ship and you can move through the IMC catalog from category to category and find many products that will accent your client’s event and we’ll get you what you want even if we have some suggestions on how to make it more rewarding. We’ll even send you samples. We want to help you make sense of your client’s request so we offer choices between new products and classic items so they can make presentations memorable. And IMC cares that your order is correct so we keep lots of products around that are suitable for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. Go to the Catalog page of the IMC website and put your order in and we’ll get them to you. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. And all of our new items are visible in the section of our website. The 2015 IMC catalog is live and available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 48 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Fred & Friends, Nina Ricci, Umbra and Redwear. We invite you to browse any of our 2,300+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…would you like fries with that?