Welcome to Parenting 101. The object of this course is to confirm what you’ve always known. You’re no good at it and everyone you see during the course of a day is no good at it. If we were any good at it we wouldn’t have to rattle off the names of all our kids and pets just to get to the kid we were yelling at. Believe me, once you accept that fact it gets a lot easier. We’re all lucky we didn’t have to take a test or mankind would have ceased to exist about the time the last triceratops sank into the tar pit. We’ve been terrible at parenting since Adam said, “Cain, go play nicely with your brother.” We didn’t get any better as Neanderthals when we believed our child when they said, “Can I go? Xcogrp’s parents are letting him go on the saber-toothed tiger hunt. We’ll be fine.” As we move through history we see more examples of questionable parenting when Lady Godiva’s mom told her, “You’re going horseback riding? Make sure you wear something comfortable.” In 1942 when George Patton’s dad said, “Europe? It should be nice this time of year” is yet another example. So, history and the present are rife with examples of people who should have thought before they reproduced, but because the qualifications are so lax, there are still a few bugs in the system. See, if we had to take a test like for normal classes we would have gotten a manual or synopsis or textbook or study guide. Even a procrastinator such as I could have slipped off to Barnes & Noble and bought the Cliff Notes.
I was at the golf club the other day and around the putting green when the following occurred and I am shocked that this is not taught in schools because this mom was practicing the scientific theory of “escalating threats” which seems to be popular. The son was practicing and the mother had given her daughter a sand wedge to play with on the green and while I consider that an offense punishable by death, I guess the mom thought that was better than practicing parenting. To her credit, when the child took the first chunk of turf out of the green the mom did tell her that she couldn’t use that club on the green so now she’s given the kid a club to play with on the green and then told her she couldn’t do it and now even the grass is yelling at the kid to get off the green. At this point the threats started…she first appealed to the child’s natural greed by saying, “If you don’t get off the green, I’m canceling your birthday party. Look at me…I have my phone…I’m calling them right now.” The child, possibly the spawn of Satan, easily deduced this as a mindless threat and continued to ignore her mother so mom decided to turn it up a notch. Step 2 was “I’m going to spank you…I’m going to spank you really hard.” Apparently the threat of physical abuse fell on deaf ears, while others within earshot had started dialing Social Services although the mother had yet to leave the comfort of her folding chair. When mom finally hoisted herself out of the chair, the little girl may have sensed something dire because she started to run and that is when mom moved the needle to DefCon 3 by saying, “If you make me chase you, I’m calling the police.” So now the child, whose mom probably used a marathon of NCIS reruns as a babysitter, is faced with a screaming child who’s convinced a SWAT team will be converging on the putting green to take her to Gitmo…never to be seen again. And at this point, I’m hoping they take them both.
Since my children are adults I am now in favor of a parenting license…you know, some sort of class schedule, maybe a minor degree, maybe some graduate work involved. Let’s put the DMV in charge because they’re so understanding.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC has many products and we’ll run them to you so you won’t have to chase us or cancel your party. We want to heat up your client’s event so we offer choices between new products and classic items so they can make presentations memorable. And IMC cares that your order is correct so we keep lots of products around that are suitable for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. We have processes in place to assemble your order and deliver it with no surprises. We are hard at work on the 2015 catalog which will have tons of new items from our collections and existing brands and some brand new retail brands. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. You can also request our 2014 catalog or Holiday Flyer on the Catalog page of our website and order some. And all of our new items are visible in the section of our website. The 2014 IMC catalog is also available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 40 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Kikkerland, Ten Design, Finelife and the IMC Collection. We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…have you called your parents lately?