In the past few days I have seen two Volkswagen Beetles creeping down the road with rear spoilers on the car. To the uninformed, a rear spoiler is a kind of bar across the trunk area and its design and purpose is to decrease drag and increase stability so when you’re going really fast the back end of the car stays on the ground. Of course, since the words “fast Volkswagen” are an oxymoron, it begs the question, “WHY?” These useless accessories always bring to mind the old adage involving putting whipped cream on something that doesn’t need whipped cream. And we all know that one. Why do you need something to keep the rear end on the ground when it can’t go fast enough to get off the ground? Almost the only time it’s in the air is for the two seconds when you drive it off the pier in frustration. The only time I ever saw one off the ground was when I saw a mother lifting one off her baby. And the baby was fine because the whole thing is made out of tin and plastic. Can it be that you find it visually appealing? Well, you need to get your head out of that Dali painting because you’re already driving something that’s shaped like a turtle. I would have thought you’d already given up on the illusion of speed.
I grew up driving VW Bugs and Hitler’s mass-produced piece of crap has been ridiculed since day one. They put the engine in the trunk for crying out loud. Some idiot foolishly thought that was enough to fool the Allied Forces but it was certainly heavy enough to keep it on the ground. And they were air-cooled but you could never go fast enough to pull in the air required so they always over-heated. I really don’t want to harp on the speed thing so let’s just say that the beetle was not the model they used when they designed the bullet train. VW bugs went from 0-57 (because 60 was out of the question) in about three days. You had to pack a bag and a sack lunch to get there because by the time it hit 57, you were in the next state. If you wanted to go 60, you had to put another hamster in the wheel…and that hamster had to be lactose intolerant…and you needed to be going downhill…pushed by the leading edge of Hurricane Kevin.
Most disconcerting of all is the thought that this may be a harbinger of things to come as we mistakenly decide what we are capable of achieving. I’m all for stretching yourself and trying new things but we probably need to keep, at least, a loose leash on reality. For me, a spoiler on a VW is the very definition of “dream big” but where does it end. Are we going to let a basset hound enter the Kentucky Derby because he believes his ears are aerodynamic? Geez, he can’t take two steps without stepping on one of them. I have a problem fathoming the hubris required to put some of these things on a car but I freely admit I don’t have a flair for the absurd. I once had to drive a VW bug with over-sized tires and I felt like an idiot. In a race, a VW beetle can barely outrun a real beetle. So let’s work on doing the things we can do better and stop dressing our cars like they were going to a masquerade ball. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make my gerbil put on his tuxedo for dinner.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC does care that your order is correct and we keep lots of products around for your events but we’ll let you decide what works best for you and jump in to help you with decisions about products and decorations. We have processes in place to assemble your order and we won’t put it on a disguise. We have thousands of products useful for many programs, events and holidays during the year so you can always find the perfect promotion for any season. We know when these holidays are celebrated so we make sure to have stock so we can fill your order. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. And we know you want exactly what you’ve ordered so we do everything we can to earn and learn that order and help you look good to your customers. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. You can also request our 2014 catalog on the Catalog page of our website and order some. And all of our new items are visible in the section of our website. The 2014 IMC catalog is also available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 40 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from Kikkerland, Driinn, Blue Square and Clearaward. We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…how fast can you go?