If It Runs, Swims or Flies, Fry It

Donn James

Donn James

It wouldn’t be so bad if fast food didn’t taste so good and it has certainly filled the void opened by two-income families who don’t have the time to spend an afternoon baking that meatloaf and opening that can of green beans. Fast food is alternately greasy or rich, deep-fried or broasted, broiled or blended, and is usually either 80% sugar or 80% fat…and sometimes both. And yes, that’s why it tastes so good. But whether you’re on the hunt for a bucket of chicken, a barrel of fries, a tugboat of fish or the best part of a cow, someone is always there to tell you why it’s bad for you (as if I care). This person always has an orange tint, sunken eyes and is so emaciated they look like I could knock them down with a sneeze. Like their last home was a Confederate prison camp during the civil war. I know several vegans. I don’t like them but I know them and I don’t understand why they seem so worried about what I’m eating? I’m not the one who just ate a stick. Do they think one more bite of red meat is going to give me a heart attack and cause my car to veer off the road and run them down as they shuffle through the park in their Birkenstocks, yoga mats strapped to their backs, striving to be one with the universe?  There are so many vegans wandering around these days, I feel like I’m trapped in an episode of The Walking Dead. Seriously, we’re not far from being assaulted at McDonald’s by some wacko from PETA with a bucket of red paint who’s still high after his lunch of quinoa and dirt.
Generations ago a vegan was someone who couldn’t afford to buy meat. Believe me, I was an unwilling vegan many times in those days. Even when I had spare change, my red meat was Spam and I’m not sure it’s even meat. Of course, my parents told me gravy was a vegetable so my view may be a little skewed. That aside, I’m not really into fast food that much anymore and not just because the crowd that believes they can exist on wheat grass says so. These translucent shadows of people have blamed fast food for everything from obesity to global warming to Pluto being kicked out of the gang of planets.
I don’t even deny I might be a little healthier if I didn’t eat that jumbo whopper and instead ate all the celery in the world. There’s a reason celery is calorie neutral…it tastes like air and that’s why normal people only use it as a tool to dip into things that do taste good. Things like ranch dressing, peanut butter or cheese. It’s like a biodegradable fork. But by itself, eating celery is like eating a wet pencil.
Although I am eating better these days, I’m not avoiding fast food for my health. It’s just become too fast. I don’t need anything so fast that they can’t do it right. There’s a reason we don’t have a drive-thru lane at the Cardiac Center.  Some things take time. While I would hardly equate heart surgery with the assembly of a Big Mac, there are procedures in place for both tasks and I just got tired of getting hamburgers which looked like they’d been put together by a walrus with a bad twitch. How hard can it be? Almost everything is round. The bun, meat, tomato and onion are all round and designed to fit neatly inside the bun. Even the damned pickle is round, so why do I keep getting burgers with half the meat sticking out of the side of the bun like Miley Cyrus’ tongue? Then you have to take it all apart or at some point you’re going to get a mouthful of bun and secret sauce. That might please the vegans but it’s not what I ordered. And I hate going down the freeway at 80 reassembling my burger because I’m now steering with my knees while I take off the top bun and then the lettuce, tomato, pickle and onion just to get to the burger patty, and by then the secret sauce (ketchup, mayonnaise & pickle relish) has congealed like glue so you have to pull the patty off the bottom bun like you’re CSI and you’re trying to lift a fingerprint off a wine glass.  But hey, I’m not texting.

It’s not really that different in business.  IMC has processes in place to assemble your order just right and we have thousands of products useful for many programs, events and holidays during the year so you can always find the perfect promotion for any season.  We know when these holidays are celebrated so we make sure to have stock so we can fill your order.  And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be.  And we know you want exactly what you’ve ordered so we do everything we can to learn that order and help you look good to your customers.  Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them.  We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day.  We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients.  You can also request our 2014 catalog on the Catalog page of our website and order some.  And all of our new items are visible in the  What's New?section of our website.  The 2014 IMC catalog is also available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs.  It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone.  IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI.  Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 40 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients.  See great ideas and items from the Kikkerland, Ten Design, HighWaveand Clearaward.  We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients.  We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas.  What do you think?  Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter.  IMC wants to know…would you like to do lunch?


About IMC

IMC is a prime manufacturer and supplier of products to the promotional products industry. We sell only to qualified promotional products distributors. ASI supplier, PPAI supplier. Our lines include our own IMC lines and 26 branded lines.
This entry was posted in Business Gifts, Customer Service, Manufacturing, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales, Waterford Pens. Bookmark the permalink.

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