So, yesterday I was off doing my civic duty and while I don’t like jury duty any more or less than the guy dressed like Ronald McDonald sitting next to me, I don’t need to be dragged to the courthouse every year or so. It seems like little enough to do for the freedoms we’re supposed to have. Now I was just one of 200 cattle herded into a room the size of my closet, praying my name wouldn’t be called. Because I was stuck there for the day, the easiest way for me to recount this is chronologically.
8:00AM: I’m standing in line to sign in with 199 other lucky souls and some lady is coughing on my neck and I hear sniffing and sneezing from others and I think, I’m in the world’s largest emergency room. Am I being poisoned? Maybe they’re trying to kill us 200 at a time. If they do that every day it wouldn’t take very long to get that pesky population problem under control. What’s worse is that I look around the room and realize nobody might even know we’re gone. I figure I’m the smartest guy in the room and even I know I’m dispensable. Even sadder, as I looked around the room I couldn’t help thinking, if these people are my peers; I really have no reason for living. And just my luck…my hazmat suit is at the cleaners.
8:15AM: I’ve filled out my form and clipped my JUROR badge to my shirt and at this point I’m just looking for a chair where the people on either side of me don’t have open sores or aren’t drooling like St Bernards. I just want to read the paper without catching hepatitis. Apparently the term Business Casual is still open for interpretation because the only other places you might see this many people in flip-flops and sweatpants is at a frat party…or when you’re standing in line to get free soup. Because if they’re character witnesses for the defense…the verdict is guilty.
8:30AM: The judge comes in to tell us how much he appreciates us being there, how important our job is and how he knows what a hardship it is because he had to take his kids to school today. When he said that I think we were all fantasizing about what we would do to him if we could have smuggled a weapon past security.
8:45AM: Glancing around I again notice there is no one in the room I want to be around when the big one hits, so I head for the cafeteria. This way I can sit at a table and ignore people by pretending to be deaf if someone wants to talk.
10:00AM: Thankfully, nothing has happened and it’s time for our morning break which is just in time because I’m so tired of doing nothing, I look forward to doing more of nothing.
11:30AM: Just in time because now I can do nothing and eat while I’m doing it. I love the cafeteria at the courthouse because they serve what is clearly prison food and it looks like it’s staffed by prison inmates who got the job as a reward for good behavior like the guys in Shawshank Redemption who got to tar the roof. The lunch break is an hour and a half so there’s plenty of time to eat and throw up before we go back at 1:00. They actually have the nerve to call it a bistro but I’m pretty sure that’s not what they call it on Cell Block D.
1:00PM: We’re back and they’ve alerted us to stay within paging distance because they’re preparing a panel of jurors to be called so I’m spending my time trying to come up with excuses a judge might fall for.
2:00PM: Our hippie juror (believe me, there’s always one in the crowd) has begun doing yoga on the grass in the courtyard. He’s got his earbuds in and he’s probably listening to Yanni…or Simon & Garfunkel and he’s doing what I think is called, downward facing giraffe, thankfully facing the cafeteria.
2:15PM: Yoga boy is doing some kind of a reclined, intertwined, pretzel-like thing I think they call the dead flamingo. He has sweated through his T-shirt and the flowers in his hair are beginning to wilt.
2:30PM: Yoga boy is done. He has pulled his legs out from behind his head, picked up his shoes, juror badge and gone off to foul the air somewhere.
2:45PM: The loudspeaker has just called us all back to the jury room and a collective groan was heard all through the county. This is rarely good news so it was no surprise that we lined up to enter the jury room like we were beginning the Bataan Death March.
2:50PM: They announced the panel was not needed and we were free to go. My opinion is that the defendants and plaintiffs saw us and said to their lawyers…”we’ll cop a plea; we’re not betting our lives on that crowd.” The collective groan expected turned into a resounding cheer. 200 people, alike only in location, raced for the exits but not before yoga boy hugged me and Ronald McDonald gave me a high-five. So I’ll probably need a tetanus shot.
It’s not really that different in business. And we’re here because we want to be so IMC is a safe bet because we have thousands of products useful for many programs, events and holidays during the year so you can always find the perfect promotion for any season. We know when these holidays are celebrated so we make sure to have stock so we can fill your order. And if your client has invented a holiday or celebration, we can also custom-make almost anything you can dream to make your client’s event all it can be. And we know you want exactly what you’ve ordered so we do everything we can to learn that order and help you look good to your customers. Take a look at our YouTube channel to see some videos showcasing popular products for some ideas on how to use them. We take our business relationship seriously and we want you to enjoy, give and receive our products and be able to use them every day. We look forward to working with you and we always have ideas to make our products work for your clients. You can also request our 2014 catalog on the Catalog page of our website and order some. And all of our new items are visible in the section of our website. The 2014 IMC catalog is also available virtually at Zoomcatalog.com if you’re tired of fighting paper catalogs. It can be viewed nicely with your laptop, iPad, tablet or phone. IMC is the recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 40 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. See great ideas and items from the Stewart/Stand, Paperthinks, MOVAand Bluetech. We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…is it easy to do nothing?