I probably know more lawyers than the average person but it has less to do with the fact that I am in trouble with the law and more to do with the fact that I play golf and there, they are as crazy as the rest of us. Personally I like a few of them and can tolerate a few more even as I side with the masses and tend to blame them for everything bad that’s happened since the big bang. To know that lawyers and governments treat us like fools, all you have to do is look at some of the laws we’ve allowed them to pass. If you don’t believe we are essentially idiots in the eyes of the law, you’re probably standing by your mailbox waiting for that African prince to pay you for getting him out of the country.
Nuisance lawsuits are the bane of the judicial system and every time someone wins one of these suits, it’s a win for stupidity. Ever since some fool didn’t understand that hot coffee was, in fact, HOT, we’ve been plagued with this nonsense. Even if the last book you read was Green Eggs and Ham, no one with the IQ of a radish needs a warning on a carton of eggs that says, “May contain eggs” and unless you spend your waking hours drooling into a bowl, you have figured out that a bag of peanuts probably contains well…peanuts. I’m allergic to shrimp but I don’t need a warning label on the shell to keep me from eating them. And have you looked at your bottle of Nytol sleeping pills lately? It bears warnings about operating heavy machinery and that it “May cause drowsiness.” Doesn’t that just mean it’s working? And when’s the last time you took a sleeping pill and then thought, “Where are the keys to my forklift?” Prices wouldn’t be as high as they are except we’ve successfully scared manufacturers with our stupidity and they’re now spending more on warning labels than they are on the product. There is a Bluetooth speakerphone for your car that actually has a warning saying, “Never operate your speakerphone while driving.” That’s like saying, “Here’s a bike but you can’t have pedals.” And Vidal Sassoon thought it wise to warn users not to use their hair dryer while sleeping because apparently some threat to Einstein couldn’t figure it out. If you’ve ever done that, you were probably late for your Special Ed class. My friends have jet skis and there’s a label right on the gas cap that says, “Do Not Use a Match or Open Flame to Check Fuel Level.” Scrubbing Bubbles has a toilet brush and they’ve had to add “Do Not Use for Personal Hygiene” to their label. I’d like to meet the goober that caused that label. Really, how many generations of inbreeding would lead you to be standing in the shower thinking, “I just can’t reach that spot. Hey, my toilet brush has a long handle.” And if you bought that can of rat poison with because you’re mad at your spouse or in-law, you’ve probably already figured out that it’s, “Not for Human Consumption.”
In general I support the ADA because every lowered curb at an intersection is one more time I don’t have to step up but we’ve turned from a nation where majority rules to a nation where whoever throws the biggest tantrum wins. When I go to the firing range to practice with my AK47, I get a little concerned when I see warning signs written in Braille.
I can’t believe I made it this far since everything I’ve used since I could waddle around now says, “Keep Out of Reach of Children.” Mostly, I find that on toys designed for children. And why does a plastic cereal bowl need a label on the bottom that says, “Use Only with Adult Supervision”? Why not just go full stupid and have the label read, “This Side Down?” Geez, even if your child is not deconstructing string theory at pre-school, they can figure out a bowl. And if your child needs the warning on his scooter that says, “Warning, This Product Moves When Used” then I expect a Paint-By-Numbers kit would render him apoplectic.
I actually like the warning label on a washing machine that says, “Do Not Put Any Person In This Washer” because if I know someone that gets in a washing machine, I’m pressing the power wash button because it’s clearly time to thin out the herd.
It’s not really that different in business. IMC is always bringing something new and exciting to the industry and we’ll always tell you what’s in them but hey, a cotton tote bag is just a cotton tote bag. Visit our website to see four new brands and many new items from our collections and brands from our 2013 Holiday Flyer. You can download the flyer or we’ll send you some and you can see all the new items in the What’s New section of our website. Products like these can help your clients celebrate milestones, anniversaries, shows or launches and will keep the celebration foremost in their minds. From crystal awards and designer pens for anniversaries, retirements, speaker or holiday gifting to pens and keychains for product launches, giveaways and thank-you gifts. And we know your clients test you with price, delivery and detailed logos so we know what we can do with our products and how you can use or market them. IMC knows our products are here to support your client’s event and we’ll be honest about what we can do in terms of pricing, decoration and shipping so you can make your customer happy. IMC has products to make you look and feel good and we continuously bring new brands and decorating options to the promotional product industry. These brands and options are developed with an eye toward the latest trends so we can continue to offer a wide realm of choices and options in both traditional and unusual promotional product categories. IMC is a recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI. Our in-house family of decorators will turn your selection into a winner that will enhance your end-user’s event or ceremony. We treat every order with a practiced professionalism so the things that happen will be what you expect from an award-winning supplier. As well as continuously expanding the available product in our 6 Collections, IMC continues our industry-leading practice of bringing new retail brands to the promotional products industry. Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 30 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients. These include world renowned designers like the Visconti and the unique offerings from Luigi Bormioli and Umbra. We invite you to browse any of our 2,500+ products on the NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients. We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas. What do you think? Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter. IMC wants to know…does this cause drowsiness?