You’re Killin’ Me Smalls…

Donn James

Donn James

While I’m probably not, I like to think I’m aging gracefully but it seems every year my doctor decides I’m of an age for some medical test that appears designed to kill me.  What is most curious is I always have to sign a waiver informing me of the possible side effects and, on every test, the side effect that catches my eye is DEATH.  They want to give me a test that could kill me.  I don’t remember worrying about that in Algebra.  This week I had to take what they call the nuclear treadmill test and outside of having to fast for longer than I’d like, the preparation is simple.  You just show up hungry.  The pains don’t start until you pay your deductible.  Then they find the one vein that didn’t collapse when you paid your deductible and stick a needle in it.  And this isn’t your normal needle, noooo.  This one is about the size of a railroad spike because they have to stick a garden hose in your arm.  Through this hose they inject some sort of a supposedly “low-yield” radioactive dye.  I’m not exactly sure of the potency of this nuclear cocktail running through my body but a nurse told me it makes Chernobyl look like somebody broke a thermometer.  Seriously, if you’re flying within 3 days of taking the test, they give you a note you have to give to the TSA at any airport that says, “This person is probably harmless but may be radioactive.  For everyone’s safety, keep him away from open flames, solar-powered watches and radical dissidents.”  Once this dye has circulated through your system, they make you lie down in something resembling a coffin, probably to save the extra step if you stop breathing, and take pictures of your heart for ½ an hour.  Except for the fact that the machine sounds like you’ve been dropped into the mosh pit at a Metallica concert, it would be a good time for a nap.  After the photo-shoot is over, they strap electrodes on almost every part of your body that you normally try and keep away from electricity in preparation for the treadmill.  Really, I’m now wired up like a power plant on 3 Mile Island.  If I burp, the lights dim and if I close my eyes and raise my left arm, I’m picking up Direct TV.  But I’m happy to be getting on the treadmill because A.  I walk, I jog a little and I ride my bike when I can so I think I’ll do OK and B.  I’m halfway done with this stupid test.  Now, while I think I’m going for a leisurely stroll, what they don’t tell you is that they’d like you to walk to Oregon in 10 minutes.  The treadmill starts off innocuously enough and then the doctor starts adding in speed and inclines until you feel you’re at the front of the line in the Bataan Death March.  As the doctor, with a maniacal grin, asks me if I can go a little faster, I look down and my feet are going so fast I feel like I’ve been transported into a roadrunner cartoon and I’m leaving Wile E. Coyote in the dust.  Beep, Beep.  I’m pretty sure my doctor’s ancestors presided over the Salem witch trials and I’m thinking, if I can just hold my breath for an hour, I must be innocent.  The treadmill, which is now approaching warp speed, is mercifully stilled and then they you’re back in the coffin for more pictures of your heart as it screams in agony.  And after all this, they give you a cookie and make you stumble home.

It’s not really that different in business.  IMC won’t give you a cookie but we expect you to have questions and test us and we’ll have answers for you.  While we try to give as many details as we can on our website, sometimes you can speed up the process with a live voice.  And we know your clients test you with price, delivery and detailed logos so we know what we can do with our products and how you can use or market them.  We also know our products are here to support your client’s event and we’ll be honest about what we can do in terms of pricing, decoration and shipping so you can make your customer happy.  IMC has thousands of products to make you look and feel good and we campaign to continuously bring new brands and decorating options to the promotional product industry.  These brands and options are developed with an eye toward the latest trends so we can continue to offer a wide realm of choices and options in both traditional and unusual promotional product categories.  And we deal with some great distributors who have seen our finished product and are sharp enough to bring these new and exciting products to their clients.  So we are always happy to offer ideas, suggestions and case histories to help you present the items to your client.  IMC is a recognized leader in the introduction of new retail brands to the promotional product industry and has multiple design awards from both ASI and PPAI.  Our in-house family of decorators will turn your selection into a winner that will enhance your end-user’s event or ceremony.  And IMC will take your order, deliver it on time, and on budget.  We treat every order with a practiced professionalism so the things that happen will be what you expect from an award-winning supplier.  As well as continuously expanding the available product in our 6 Collections, IMC continues our industry-leading practice of bringing new retail brands to the promotional products industry.  Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented more than 30 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients.  These include world renowned designers like Visconti and the unique offerings from Fred & Friends and Luigi Bormioli.  And take a look at our newest retail brand Filter2Go because it’s great for summer promotions.  We invite you to browse any of our 2,450+ products on the NEW IMC website to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients.  We have promotional products for every event, show, convention, corporate store and company program that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas.  What do you think?  Let us know with a comment here or on Facebook or Twitter.  IMC wants to know…have you been put to the test?


About IMC

IMC is a prime manufacturer and supplier of products to the promotional products industry. We sell only to qualified promotional products distributors. ASI supplier, PPAI supplier. Our lines include our own IMC lines and 26 branded lines.
This entry was posted in Business Gifts, Customer Service, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales, Travel, Waterford Pens. Bookmark the permalink.

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