Well-Done is NOT an Option?

Donn James

Periodically on Sundays I breakfast with friends and while I enjoy the conversation for the most part as we commiserate over the antics of our parents and our children, listening to them order eggs would try even the patience of Job and as you all know, I’m several rungs down the ladder from him.  Things like this can quickly get you moved back into my acquaintance category.  The couple that is only semi-heretical wants their eggs well-done but the couple I consider full-on blasphemers want their scrambled eggs very well-done.  These things come out of the kitchen looking like a plaster cast somebody made of a tire track on CSI.  They are devoid of color and nearly impossible to cut without a diamond-tipped fork.  To make matters worse, one of them also wants his bacon burned beyond recognition.  Like if you can’t recognize it, it might not be pork.  It comes out looking like a pile of black ash that would blow away in a breeze and if there was a little gold filling on the plate, I would know the chef ran over to the crematorium before plating it.  I realize I’ve used some terms normally associated with religion but if you don’t think good bacon and eggs are a religious experience, I weep for your children.  And while nobody wants egg juice, yes that’s the technical term, sliding around on their plate, there’s a vast difference between properly cooked and petrified.  I’d go to dinner with them but if they ordered steak well-done, I’m afraid I’d stab them with my fork.  At my trial I would call the chef as a character witness.  Here’s the deal…if something comes out of the kitchen that looks like it was aged at Three Mile Island, I’m running for my life.  I defy you to go to any fine steak house; no, Denny’s doesn’t count, and look on the menu and see if you can find the word “jerky.”  It’s not there and that’s because they know, like I do, that it belongs in a plastic bag on a hook at the AM/PM Gas n’ Go, not in a restaurant.  If I’m sitting across the table from you and I’m worrying about radiation burns, well, this date is over.  Want some more homework?  Look up well-done in your handy food dictionary and you’ll see this description:  gray-brown throughout; firm.  Sound appealing?  Sounds like they’re talking about a Ford Taurus.  First of all, unless you are serving Granny Clampett’s gray squirrel road-kill stew, there is no gray food.  Secondly, if your meat is gray before you cook it, you run to Costco for a refund.  Why do you think giving it the equivalent of a Viking funeral will improve it?  Here’s my question to you…if your waiter can’t even keep a straight face while you order, just what do you think the chef is going to do to it?  Here’s a guy who probably majored in Art History, officially the most useless degree on the planet, waiting tables at Ernie’s Egg Palace and even he’s smart enough to have a bus boy bring your plate out at arm’s length while holding his breath.

It’s not really that different in business.  You have choices in distributors and suppliers and each comes with a menu of selections and sometimes you get everything you want and sometimes there are no substitutions.  At each step IMC will tell you what you can get from Column A and Column B and we take every order personally.  IMC treats every order with a practiced professionalism so the things that happen will be what you expect from a trusted supplier.  We continue to expand our menu selections and brands to better supply you with what you and your clients need.  And IMC continues our industry-leading practice of bringing new retail brands to the promotional products industry.  Since introducing Waterford® Writing Instruments and MoMA years ago, IMC has presented some 30 retail brands from global suppliers to enhance the selections you can offer your clients.  These include world renowned designers like the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the unique offerings from Z Wind Ups and Karim.  We invite you to view any of our 2,400+ products to see items suitable for any occasion or event and pieces you can use to personalize your relationship with your clients.  We have promotional products for conventions, events, corporate stores and company programs that will keep your client looking to you for new ideas.  And we’re always happy to offer ideas and provide case histories.  So whatever your cause, event or launch, IMC has ideas and advice that will promote and support your client’s event.  With 6 IMC collections and 30 retail brands, we have unique and quality products for all occasions and events.  What do you think?  Let us know with a comment here or  Facebook or Twitter.  IMC wants to hear what eggs you on.


About IMC

IMC is a prime manufacturer and supplier of products to the promotional products industry. We sell only to qualified promotional products distributors. ASI supplier, PPAI supplier. Our lines include our own IMC lines and 26 branded lines.
This entry was posted in Business Gifts, Customer Service, Promotional Products, Promotions, Retail Brands, Sales, Waterford Pens. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Well-Done is NOT an Option?

  1. Ron Hughes says:

    OK. I am a breakfast geek and so your blog is music to my ears. What about the guy who orders his eggs sunny-side up and easy where the top is still clear. I am affraid the mother chicken will come out of the kitchen looking for her little ones believing that given the amount of cooking (or lack thereof) they somehow may still be alive. When the server delivers the plate and the eggs are still jiggling (yes that is a breakfast word) it is time to get up and move before you puke. OK a bit dramatic but this is breakfast the best meal of the day and I have to endure jiggly eggs. Enough said.

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